


Article of Faith

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bonnie & Clyde, Child Abuse, F/M, Girls with Guns, Guns, Gunshot Wounds, Murder, Murderers, Past Child Abuse, Poison, Poisoning, Sex, Shooting Guns, Stabbing, Vigilantism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-04-25 15:51:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 41,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14381919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Post season 12, Spencer Reid of the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit is so very tired. After everything he's been through, he wonders what justice truly is. Where does the line of black and white bleed gray? Billie Noble is suspected of multiple murders, along with an unidentified partner, but her supposed victims are all child molesters. Spencer is supposed to side with the law and find the evidence to put this woman away, but he doesn't want to. Once she's let go from interrogation do to insignificant evidence, Billie and Spencer strike up a relationship that leaves Spencer questioning everything he's ever known. When he learns her truth, will he put her away, or will he leave the life he knows behind to embrace another one entirely?Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	1. Chapter 1

“I have nothing to say to you. I didn’t do what you’re accusing me of, but I don’t feel bad.”

This was getting him nowhere.

Billie Noble was most definitely one of the women they were looking for, but the problem was they had nothing on her. No concrete evidence other than the profile and a few details in her background that just fit. Other than that? Nothing. Not a hair. Not a speck of blood. Not an eyewitness. Nothing. They had nothing. They had fucking nothing - and the members of the BAU knew it.

Problem was, none of them were truly convinced that they wanted to be “nailing these unsubs to the wall.” The duo killed child molesters. Actual scum of the earth that shouldn’t be breathing. How were any of them supposed to come at this woman and interrogate her with all they had when the victims had done victimizing themselves? Taken away the innocence of one of the world’s most vulnerable populations?

Emily stood up quickly and slammed the door shut. The sound of the chair scratching against the floor ran right up her spine, but it was almost comforting.

This is what Billie was meant for, taking out the scum and making the “men in black” question what was actually right. Was what she was doing truly wrong? In her mind, not at all. These men had it coming. But she and her mother had been careful. Very careful. They had nothing. Once the pretty unit chief realized that nothing was going to come of this interrogation, she’d be let go. 

For a while, she’d probably have to lie low, let her mother go it alone for a while, but then she could get back to the task at hand. Billie had easily sussed out the Unit Chief’s reasoning for her quick departure. Obviously, whoever was doing this, she sympathized with to a degree, but her pursuit of perceived justice wouldn’t allow her to truly understand. Either she would come back in or they would send someone else.

The man who walked in next was cute. It was too bad he was a cop, because she could absolutely see herself with him - for a night, maybe more - whatever worked. “I’m Dr. Spencer Reid. I’m a supervisory special agent with the BAU and I’d like to ask you some questions.”

“Doesn’t really seem like I have a choice, SSA Dr. Reid,” she replied, her pink lips turned upward into a smirk. “Ask what you want, but I’m going to tell you the same thing I told your Unit Chief. I didn’t do what you think I did, but the victims deserve what they got and I hope you never catch them.”

“Why is that?”

“Why?” Billie asked. “Because they’re doing what the justice system can’t.”

Dr. Reid’s eyes flickered against the light swaying above them. “It’s not their place to do that.”

“No, it isn’t,” she admitted. “It’s the justice system’s job. They failed. Someone took up the mantel.”

Billie noticed the agent’s jaw twitch ever so slightly. He understood. His inability to maintain her line of sight told her he didn’t necessarily want to be understanding. Or at least that he was fighting the feel. Just let go, Billie thought to herself. It’s okay. You’re not a bad man just because you want bad things to happen to bad people. 

“Just because you speak dogmatically doesn’t make what you’re saying right,” he offered.

She countered, “And just because you’re backed by a badge doesn’t make you inherently correct. It just means you have warped laws behind you.” Over the years, Billie had learned how to keep her emotions from reading on her face. She wasn’t incapable. Not by a long shot, but she could hide them if need be. She got better and better as the years went by. Experience told her that Dr. Reid was quite the opposite. The years hadn’t been kind to him, and more and more frequently he’d wear his heart on his sleeve. “Also, before you ask I don’t think the entire justice system is fucked up, just some of it.”

“What makes you think I was about to ask that?”

Anyone who was good with people did a degree of profiling, and Billie was very good with people. “Because I can see in your eyes that you don’t necessarily want to catch this person, or these people, as you claim.”

“Yes, I do, I-”

Stop fighting it. “No, you don’t. You have to because of the badge you wear and the entity you represent. Same with the woman who was in here before. Because you’re innately good people who want to help those who can’t help themselves. I can tell you’re a good person Dr. Reid.”

She was hitting the nail on the head so to speak. “Sometimes we get a case that crosses our desk that we have to take,” he replied. He put an edge to his voice, hoping that in the case of being investigating themselves, he’d sound as if he was just switching interrogation tactics, trying to empathize rather than antagonize. In reality, it was quite the opposite. “This is one of them. What I think doesn’t matter.”

“Then ask your questions, Dr. Reid. I’m not stopping you.”

As he continued onto questioning, Billie told him the whole truth. Well, pieces of it. She never outright lied though. Kudos, Billie. You did it. She knew the question was coming, but it made her sick to her stomach. “Yes, I was molested as a child. From 7 to 10 years old. School principal.” She wanted to provide him with information quickly, but not so swiftly that she’d incriminate herself.

When she managed to look up at him (knowing that if she didn’t she’d seem guilty), she could see the heat settle in his jaw. It looked like it might snap in two. “Problem, Dr. Reid?”

“People are disgusting.”

Agreed. “Finally something we can agree on.”

“Did Stan Gruber go to jail for what he did?” Spencer asked. He knew the answer, but he wanted to gauge her vitriol. 

As she spoke, she fiddled with the bracelet on her wrist - sterling silver, very plain save for the small angel wings that always sat firmly against her vein. “No. I came forward too late. All physical evidence was gone. No one else would come forward, and he had a horde of character witnesses to testify to the fact that he was the standup guy everyone believed him to be.”

The two sat in silence for a moment more, before Billie pushed back from the table. “Dr. Reid, if you don’t have anything else to ask me, am I allowed to leave? I’m getting very hungry.” Her stomach growled loudly as if to corroborate her statement. “I’m thinking pizza.”

“Yes, you can go,” he said reluctantly. They didn’t have any physical evidence to keep her and this interrogation wasn’t getting them anywhere. “But stay in the area. We may need to ask you some more questions at a later date.”

“Understood, Dr. Reid,” she replied, smiling as she slipped her oversized jean jacket around her shoulders. Her deep set dark brown eyes scanned over the agent. There was a storm brewing within him. She spoke quietly, her hand resting on his arm. “I’m assuming there isn’t a lot you don’t already know, but it’s human nature to want justice, even if it’s violent, for bad people. It doesn’t make you bad too. It makes you tired.”

With that, she strode out of the room, leaving Spencer to stare blankly ahead for a moment. When he left the room, he apologized profusely to Emily. “I’m so sorry, but I wasn’t getting anywhere and we had nothing on her.”

“I know,” she replied, burying her face in her hands. “It’s just so frustrating. Everything we have points to her - or at least someone like her - and a partner. I just thought we were close, and I wa-”

“Wanted this case done?” He questioned. Emily understood him in a way the others didn’t always get. 

She nodded softly and then shook her head, like an etch a sketch that needed to be set blank before the picture could make sense again. “After all these years, you’d think that I’d learn not to project a particular image onto a killer, but…she doesn’t fit it. She’s…”

Spencer had been thinking the same thing. “She’s small. Lean but strong. Not enough to overpower the men we’ve connected to this case. She’s a little jaded, but can you really blame her? She’s just…not what I would assume a killer to look like, but yet our profile leads to her.” Chuckling, he continued. “You’d think we’d learn.”

“Yea,” she sighed. “Alright, Reid, you did well today. Go home for tonight.”

“You sure?”

Emily insisted he go home and get some rest. Killers didn’t really care about their sleep schedule and they needed to grab some z’s while they could. As he walked back to his desk, he decided to take the profile home and work on it a bit more. He pulled on his jacket and rubbed his eyes, trying to banish the sleep. 

Billie had been right - partially - Spencer was tired.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning Spencer found himself back in the interrogation room, leaning against the wall and rubbing his eyes. Everything they had pointed to Billie Noble, but since there was no physical evidence, the profile was all they had - frankly, the profile could lead to a number of other people too.

Emily peeked her head into the room. “You okay?” 

Heavily, Spencer nodded and exited the room, files in hand. “Yea, I’m fine. Emily, we have nothing on her. I told her to stay in the area because we might have some more questions but…we’ve got nothing.”

“I know,” Emily replied. She was beyond frustrated. Cases like this, where they sympathized with the unsub…it always made them wonder. Was the job becoming too much? Were they supposed to hate this unsub? Were they getting to jaded? Was it even possible to do this job for this long and remain the same? Because as the years wore on it became harder and harder. 

She could see the sense of loss in Spencer’s eyes. Prison changed him. Deep down, he was still the Spencer she knew, but he wore a different coat of paint so to speak. “What’s wrong?”

“Just something she said to me. She said ‘you’re not a bad person just because you want bad things to happen to bad people.’ I don’t know how to feel about that, you know?” Spencer furrowed his brow and glanced down at the files, searching for something in the papers to distract himself from what he was feeling. It wasn’t working. “I want to believe she’s right. Whoever is killing these men…I don’t feel bad for them. They deserve everything that’s coming to them. But I’m supposed to want to put the unsub away.” He continued so softly that Emily almost didn’t hear him. “I don’t.”

“I don’t either,” she said honestly. Thankfully, she knew Spencer enough for him to confide in her. “But we have to.”

Emily placed her hand on his arm before turning away to go back toward her office. She’d asked everyone to return to their desks and dig up whatever they could so they could go over the profile and hone it again. “Look over the geographic profile again and see if you can find anything else,” she said. “And Spence?”

“Yea?”

“You can talk to me whenever. No judgment.”

The corner of his mouth ticked upward. “Thanks.” 

They nodded awkwardly before departing from each other. 

I don’t either…but we have to.

No, they didn’t. They literally had nothing. They could easily tell the director that they couldn’t pin down the profile any further without physical evidence and leave it at that. That way the unsub could go about talking out the worst of humanity. It lessened the job they had to do. Saved the lives and innocence of thousands of children. Was vigilantism truly a bad thing?

God, he hated himself for how he was feeling, but he also couldn’t stop himself. Sure, he could spout a thousand statistics about why vigilantism did more harm than good. It’s a slippery slope, but…

“You okay kid?” Rossi asked, snapping him out of his train of thought. That was probably for the better because the train was heading straight into a wall.

Spencer looked up from his desk. “You ever wonder if we’re doing the right thing?”

“All the time, kid.”

At least that was something.

****

After interrogation with the very pretty but tired looking FBI Agent, Billie ordered the pizza she craved, ate two slices, took a bath, had a glass of crappy supermarket wine and went to bed. 

The shrill ring of the burner woke her up. Only one person called it. “Hey mama. How are you?”

“I’m fine, sweetpea,” she replied sleepily. Apparently, Maia Noble was barely awake herself.

Billie could sense in her mother’s voice that she’d had a hard time sleeping. “You slept in the car last night?”

“How’d you know?”

“I know your voice, mama.”

Maia chuckled softly. “Had a tough night last night. Figured it was safer to sleep in the car rather than make a paper trail.”

“My mama’s so smart,” Billie laughed, pushing herself up. “I had the interrogation last night. They have nothing physical. Though their profile leads to me.”

“Their profile could lead to a number of other women. Just stay low for a while, let me go it alone and we’ll pick things up when the coast is clear.”

As loathe as Billie was too admit, her mother made sense. “You sure?”

“I was doing this five years before you started with me.”

When dad died. “I know. I just worry about you.”

“That’s my job, baby.”

A comfortable silence hung between them. “Oh and mom. They know about Gruber. We might have to put him off for a while.” That fucker was going to get what was coming to him, but with the feds on their tail now wasn’t the best time. 

“Shit.” Yea. Shit was right. “Okay, no problem. We’ve waited this long for him. Another few months or years isn’t going to hurt.”

“It’s going to hurt someone else like me.” They couldn’t work fast enough honestly. 

A deep sigh left her mother’s mouth as she presumably got up to start her own day. “I know, honey. We’ll get him, I promise. In the meantime, I’ll be working on our next target.”

Billie ran through the rolodex in her mind. The fact that she had a rolodex of sickos that needed their lives ended made her stomach do flips, but after all these years she managed to tamp down the vomit that was desperate to spew forward. “Was that Mallory Rapp or Samael Douglas?”

“Douglas,” Maia replied quickly. “I think going after Mallory at the moment is also a mistake. Her death is going to get media attention and we don’t need that right now.”

“True. Alright, go with Douglas. I’ll try to get the feds off my ass as soon as possible. I think I’m fine because honestly neither agent I spoke to really acted like they wanted us caught anyway. More like they had to.”

That was the curse of the modern justice system. “Okay, sweetheart. Take care of yourself and I’ll see you soon.”

“Love you, Mama. Oh and let me know when you’re going for Douglas because I’m going to need an alibi for the feds.” 

“Got it. I love you, too, Billie. I’ll love you until the sun dies out and the moon falls from the sky.”

That’s what she always said. “Ditto, Mama.”

With the burner off and on the bed, Billie got up to make herself breakfast. She wanted to get back to work, but right now, they needed to play things carefully. There was too much work to do to get caught.


	3. Chapter 3

“Hey Mama,” Billie said. It had been two weeks since they last spoke. She was starting to get antsy. Her random contract work kept her busy enough, distracted enough – and more importantly gave her enough money to pay the rent on her shitty apartment, but she was starting to go crazy.

Out there, there were horrible men and women preying on young children. She could easily stop them. With her mom, they could take out even more, but being caught had become a looming threat, so while Billie stayed where she was, her mother continued on. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too, sweetpea.”

She hated being out of their twisted little loop. Oh, she knew it was twisted, but she wasn’t some Dexter-wannabe, a secret sadist who channeled his sadism for the better – she had no interest in seeing anyone’s pain; she just wanted them gone, never to hurt another child again– plain and simple.

“How is our latest blight on humanity doing?”

“Not an issue anymore.”

A little smile crept across Billie’s face. Every single person they targeted was researched thoroughly. Either they were chosen because they’d evaded justice in the system, or had been crafty enough to escape detection all together. They didn’t fuck with anyone in the midst of trial. If the justice system could take care of them, then all the better for it. It’s what they were supposed to be doing anyway. She and mother were just there to sweep out the dregs from the complex and sometimes faulty system.

“Good, have you picked out anyone else yet?”

“No,” her mother replied, her voice slightly heavier than the last time they spoke. “I think I’m going to move out of state again for the next one.”

Wait. She was…

“Mama?”

“You know this is what’s best for the overall mission,” she said softly.

Of course she did, but she missed her mother and she missed feeling like she was actually making a difference to someone – no matter how twisted a thought that actually was. “But I miss you.”

“I miss you too, baby. But this is better for both of us right now.”

On the surface, but her mother was her only connection to him anymore. She was 13 when her dad died. “Okay, we can still talk on the burners right?”

“Absolutely.” Billie could hear the smile in her mother’s voice. “I’ll let you know who I’ve decided on next.”

As much as she was going to miss her mother, she was right. Switching state lines made sense; they’d been in Maryland and Virginia for too long. “How’s it going down this time?”

“Gun. I’ve used a knife the past few times. I don’t want to get to complacent with it.”

“Good idea,” Billie replied. Whenever she was away from her mother for an extended period of time, she found herself getting worried about her – kind of the reverse parent worried about child deal. “And you’re sure you didn’t leave anything behind?”

“What am I an amateur?” Maia laughed.

She’d been doing this five years longer than Billie had. Maia was no amateur. “Of course not, Mama. I’m just always worried about you.”

 

“What did I say about that? That’s my job.” 

Billie had been cooped up in the apartment too long, so as she and her mother turned the conversation from serious matters to more lighthearted fare, she pulled on her jeans and a t-shirt. “Have any plans for today, Billie?”

“I need to get out. Feel the sun on my face. Grab a cup of coffee or something. I figure I’m gonna wing it.”

Maia sighed happily. Billie could imagine her mother’s eyes closing against the image, soaking it all in. “I think I might go sit in the park nearby or something. A little relaxing sounds nice. Plus, we need to balance the niceness with the bullshit so we don’t go completely bonkers.”

Chuckling, Billie grabbed her keys and her small black purse, triple checking that she had everything she needed for the day, which was a good thing because she’d nearly forgotten the small bracelet she wore – courtesy of her father. “Well, I’m gonna go, Mama. I need a serious caffeine drip. But the feds aren’t calling me anymore, so that’s good.”

“Yea, I just have a feeling they might want to tail you, which is why I suggested the distance for a while,” Maia replied. “But relax a little today, okay baby? I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Love you, Mama.”

“I’ll love you until the sun dies out and the moon falls from the sky, little girl.”

Her mother never failed to put a smile on her face.

They said their soft goodbyes and Billie left the apartment, finding herself walking down the block towards the bakery. It was known for making the best muffins in the area and even had amazing coffee to boast for itself.

After grabbing a large coffee with cream and sugar and a cinnamon scone which she knew she’d probably inhale, she walked out of the store and allowed her feet to take her wherever they wanted to go. Apparently, she was still thinking about her mother, because she ended up on a swing at the nearby park, sipping her coffee as the parents lined up across the street to grab their kids from school.

So often, the pungent scent of copper stung her nostrils. Like her mother said, there needed to be a balance. The last thing Billie wanted was to do was ‘enjoy’ what she did. That’s a line she’d never allow herself to cross, so she smiled as she caught a hint of freshly mown grass. “Mmmm,” she sighed.

“Billie Noble?”

When she opened her eyes, she was surprised to see the agent who’d interrogated her – the one with a lifetime of troubles beyond his soft brown eyes. “Dr. Reid,” she replied. “What brings you here?”

“Day off. I’ve always loved the park.”

“Me too. Makes me remember the innocence of childhood.” Wow, emo much, Billie? “Sorry, didn’t mean to get heavy on you there. Just…” She trailed off not really knowing what to say.

Dr. Reid allowed the silence to settle for a moment. “It’s okay. I know the feeling. I think that’s why I tend to come here. Makes me think of when my mother would push me on the swings when I was little.” The word mother – it was spoken with such a mixture of joy and sadness.

“Mother gone?”

He nodded almost imperceptibly. “About three months ago. She had Alzheimer’s and just went downhill quickly.”

“I’m sorry, Dr. Reid.”

“Spencer, please.”

“You sure about that? Is it okay for me to call you Spencer when you interrogated me for murder?” The seemed like getting far to friendly for her liking, but she’d always been interested in people and what made them tick. Something told her that Spencer’s clock was becoming more faulty with age, and she found herself wanting to find out how he ended up as he was now.

Spencer laughed softly and pushed back against the swing, lifting his legs off the ground and embracing that long gone childhood innocence. “It’s fine. We’ve interrogated plenty of people before where it hasn’t panned out. I prefer being called Spencer now.”

Now. That was an interesting choice of words. Why now? Did he prefer Dr. Reid before? The more he spoke the more Billie found herself interested. Plus, he wasn’t bad to look at either; he was a little tired in the eyes, but the slight stubble, sharp jawline and wavy brown hair were A+. “Hasn’t panned out? Does that mean I’m no longer a suspect?”

“Not exactly,” he said, wanting to be frank. “But we don’t have enough evidence at the moment and we were instructed to turn our attention to other cases.” He was talking too much, but he was pretty sure she wasn’t about to run to the FBI and tell his superiors that he’d essentially told a suspect that she didn’t have anything to worry about for the time being.

“I’m sorry,” she replied sincerely.

Spencer raised an eyebrow. “Really? I thought you said you hoped we didn’t catch the killer?”

“I didn’t. I still don’t, but I’m sure that makes things more difficult for you and your team. And from what I could gather, you’re good people, so I’m sorry if the case is causing you any difficulty.” However, that was very good to know. A piece of good news she could hand off to her mother whenever she called next. “Anyway…”

“What brought you here?” He asked, changing the subject.

She wasn’t about to say her mother, although that had been the immediate cause of her arrival here. If they ever wanted to reopen the case, she wasn’t about to hand the FBI a possible partner for her illicit activities. “My dad.” It was the underlying truth – one of the insistent motives behind her decisions. “He used to push me on the swings too. Like your mom. But he’s gone. And even 20 years later I still miss him.”

“I’m so sorry. You were a kid when you lost him?”

“Thirteen.”

At the same time, they shook it off. Enough sad. It was his day off and her time to relax. Instead, they found themselves talking about chess games and what the best way was to drink coffee and debating over what season was the best – him: fall, Billie: winter.

When Spencer’s phone rang nearly an hour later, he sighed, knowing exactly what it would be.

“Duty calls?” Billie inquired.

“Unfortunately.” He stood up and drank the rest of his coffee, looking around for a nearby trashcan to throw out his empty cup. “It was really nice talking to you, Billie. See you around?”

“See you around, Spencer. Take care of yourself okay?”

“I’ll try. Easier said than done though.”

“I get that!” She laughed.

They waved goodbye and she watched as he walked towards the trashcan, throwing his cup out before breaking into a brisk walk to what was presumably his apartment or his car.

Without him there, she found herself getting bored, so she stood up and headed back toward her apartment. Thai food and a movie sounded great tonight. Maybe that and a bubble bath. Just for today, she’d allow herself to believe that this wasn’t her life; that her past didn’t exist. Of course, it could never be true. But there was no harm in dreaming.


	4. Chapter 4

Thinking about her should’ve sparked a red flag in his mind, but he couldn’t get Billie out of his head. There was something in the resigned sadness in her voice and the staunch desire to put forth a brave face despite not feeling brave at all that led Spencer to believe that he had much more in common than he had originally thought.

His team – his family – they loved him more than he ever thought he deserved and he loved them just as much if not more, but none of them truly understood him; for some reason, he felt it in his bones – in his marrow – that she did, despite the brief and unique nature of their conversations thus far. Since they spoke a few days ago, he found himself wondering about the woman behind the wounded brown eyes.

How had her father died?

Did she know her mother?

Did she have any siblings?

What happened to her to make her so distrustful?

Emily could empathize with him to a degree. After all, she had had her reservations about catching this killer as well, but she was his boss now, and while he knew she would protect him as much as she possibly could, he deemed it best to not give her any ammunition that would put her position as unit chief in jeopardy. She’d earned that, and that last thing he wanted was to be the reason for her losing it. Mainly, he decided not to tell her that he found himself empathizing with this particular unsub more and more as time went on. Probably not the best idea.

Legally, the unsubs were outside the system, but the system had its faults – so why shouldn’t someone else take care of those that escaped justice? True vigilantes only combatted those that had fallen through the cracks in the system and so far, from what they’d gathered, that’s exactly what this pair of unsubs had done.

“Can I get everyone in the conference room?” Emily asked, snapping Spencer out of his train of thought. He’d have to park that mess of a locomotive at the station for a while. Duty called once more. In his mind, the better he was at his job, the less likely vigilantes were to pop up.

As JJ, Penelope and Rossi shuffled passed him, he sipped his coffee, got up and followed behind. It burned his tongue and shocked him further back into work mode. Although he knew the case was probably not going forward at this time (as he’d told Billie days earlier), it hadn’t been official; he assumed that’s what this was about. He could see it in the bags under Emily’s eyes. Unit Chief was a noble position, but an exhausting one.

If it wasn’t, then Emily standing in front of the room rather than sitting at the table was even more concerning. “What’s up, boss?” Penelope asked cheerily. “Please say good things and not bad things. Like we have donuts and coffee in the lounge or something. Specifically Boston kreme if you wouldn’t mind.”

“And chocolate frosted with sprinkles,” Spencer added.

After nearly a decade and a half on the job, Spencer was astounded that Garcia was still as cheerful as she was. He admired her for it and found himself smiling.

“Not exactly that,” Emily said. “Now, I know that we put together the best possible profile we could for the vigilante case, but as of right now, it’s not enough.”

Despite having done their best, everyone looked a bit ashamed as Spencer’s eyes scanned the room. He should’ve felt ashamed, but he didn’t. He didn’t want to catch these people. But that made him feel guilty.

Emily continued as the train in Spencer’s head left the station again. “Unfortunately, the director has informed me that until we can better hone the profile, we need to turn our attention to more pressing cases.”

That was boss speak for they had to wait for another victim. Who was a child molester. And deserved everything they got.

He seriously needed to stop, finding himself taking another sip of the scalding hot coffee.

“So we’re moving away from this case?” JJ asked.

Nodding, Emily spoke softly. “For now. It’s not closed, but it’s not active either. Despite the nature of this case and whoever this unsub or unsubs are, I want to tell you that I appreciate all of you still giving it 100 percent. I know that couldn’t have been easy.”

Still isn’t, Spencer thought to himself. Hopefully, the sentiment didn’t wear on his face. After 15 years on the job, he was pretty sure he’d learned how to control his micro-expressions.

They didn’t have a case – miraculously, so it was going to be a paperwork day. The ruffling of papers, rhythmic dinging of the elevator and the harsh light of the bullpen floor welcomed him back to his desk. He sat down wondering if their unsubs had gone dark or moved, or maybe they’d gotten even better at their jobs.

Did he just call being a vigilante killer a job?

There was definitely something wrong with him. But he honestly wasn’t sure whether it was a problem that needed addressing anymore. In another life maybe.

—-

That was another life.

Maia slapped herself out of her reverie.

He’s gone. Liam’s gone.

The amount of time she’d spent wondering whether or not Liam would approve of her new life path was astounding. Some days, she didn’t think about it at all. Other days, it was the only thing that crossed her mind. But after losing him and watching as Billie’s assaulter fell through the cracks in the system, she couldn’t stand by and watch as the same fate befell other children.

God, she missed Billie.

Even as a child, her daughter had been her best friend. Going for lengthy periods of time without seeing her was tough on both of them, but for Maia it was all together different. When she wasn’t around, it was like that space inside her, where she’d carried her over 30 years earlier was hollow.

But this was what was best for her right now.

The feds had been on Billie’s trail, not hers, and if anyone was going to ever be caught for these “crimes,” Maia resolved that that burden would never fall on her little girl.

As the cornfields of eastern Kansas blended together on the stretch of road before her, she decided to wing the next one. She’d drive as long as she possibly could without passing out, pull off the highway and grab the first shitty hotel room she could find. Then she’d find her way to a public library, run her usual search and begin the delicate procedure of isolating the next victim.

Even with the justice system in place and her and Billie to catch the ones that fell through the net, there was still an unending supply of victims waiting for her.

—-

“Hey, Mama,” she said quickly. Maia hadn’t picked up, so a message was going to have to do. It felt weird for Billie to be out of the loop for so long. “I just wanted to check in. See how you were doing. Wondering where you are. Whenever you get the chance, call me back, okay? Love you.”

Despite the happy childhood (prior to age 7), Billie had never really excelled at any one particular thing. She couldn’t draw save or stick figures and seemingly perfect circles (maybe it was her steady hand). She couldn’t sing at all. Once, on a trip across country, her mother had even told her that she was only allowed to hum or she’d break the glass windows. Science and math and history had never been her things. All she enjoyed were books and helping people.

Then her life changed.

Her innocence was taken in the blink of an eye, and it took a three year walk to get anywhere near the light at the end of the tunnel. Some days, she was pretty sure she hadn’t reached the end yet.

After Gruber, she went off the rails. School wasn’t a priority – the priority was not hating herself. She got into drugs, coke specifically, for a short while in her teen years after her father had died. And then she’d stumbled on her mom cleaning a knife. It opened up a conversation that neither of them believed they’d end up having.

Billie had to do something to distract herself. She was going a little stir crazy at home. With the angel wings resting gently against her wrist, she got an idea, slipping on a light jacket and heading down to the florist. She picked up a batch of four tiger lilies; they’d been his favorite.

She always missed him, but when her mother wasn’t around, the feeling amplified tenfold.

It was a beautiful day, barely a cloud in the sky but slightly chilly, hence the jacket she was wearing. When she entered through the gates, she spotted a tall man with wavy brown hair. He turned to the side and she smiled to herself. Apparently, other forces in the universe were pushing them together. “Fancy meeting you here, Spencer.”

He spun toward her, quickly wiping a tear from his eye. “Billie, hi. Just visiting my mom.” His sad smile shot an arrow into her heart. “Your dad?”

“Yea, I’m going to see him now.” A force beyond her control made her speak again. “Would you like to come with me?”

Spencer nodded, pressing a kiss to his lips and then the headstone where his mother lay. “Love you, Mom.”

“Missing him a lot lately?” He asked.

Billie just nodded. When Spencer asked her how he died, she found herself saying the truth – at least a piece of it. “Died in the line of duty.”

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “One of my old teammates, Derek Morgan, lost his father the same way.”

As the two sat down at the grave, Billie introduced Spencer. She was pretty sure they would’ve gotten along had they had the chance to meet each other. Spencer told her and her father about his mother, reciting all the different literature his mother used to read to him. “My dad used to read to me too,” she said softly before looking at her watch. They had been there for nearly an hour.

“I’m usually not so forward,” Spencer began, “Especially not with people who we once investigated, but…would you want to exchange phone numbers? I feel really comfortable talking with you. Maybe we can go to dinner some time?”

Last thing she needed to be doing was making a romantic connection, specifically with a federal agent, but her brain didn’t listen to her heart. “I would love that.” She rested her hand on his own, which was sitting on the grass between them. His eyes kept pulling her in. There was a story to tell in their depths.


	5. Chapter 5

To say that Billie had a minor identity crisis during the first few weeks of their relationship was an understatement.

Dinner had started much like anyone else that ever went on a dinner date. They’d both talked about their favorite television shows. His was Dr. Who and somehow that didn’t surprise her. Hers was Jessica Jones, which when she thought about it was actually pretty indicative of her background and future. He took too much sugar in his coffee. She drank it black. Pizza was some common ground, but who the hell didn’t like pizza? It was all so normal. And it was something she never thought she’d have.

It was a tough line to balance. Deep down in her heart, she knew she’d never stop doing what she did. It meant too much to her, but she’d also always wanted that normal life, like the ones her parents had before her father had died. Something about Spencer – maybe it was his understanding, his openness, she wasn’t sure – that made her believe that kind of future was possible. Except he was an FBI agent.

That was the other problem.

After starting out with her mother on their lifelong mission, she’d had a few months of questioning herself. She was a killer. So was her mother. But they let the justice system do its job and then cleaned up the remains. Was that such a bad thing? Eventually, Billie allowed herself to believe she was a good person doing bad things and that’s the way she’d lived her life until this point.

But once she met Spencer, one she explored the deep depths of the eyes that had so many stories to tell, she started to question herself again.

Billie Noble’s innocence had been robbed at the young age of seven. It was never to return. And she’d be lying to herself if she said that her background wasn’t largely responsible for the woman she was now and the path she’d chosen to take.

What was causing her crisis?

She was never the one to compare crises; one person’s pain is not equal to another’s, but once Spencer opened up the floodgates, Billie wondered how the tall, geeky, agent with a heart too large for his body to hold had managed to stay the course – remain a dedicated FBI agent.

His mother’s illnesses went further than Billie had originally been aware of. When he’d first started at the Bureau, he’d been kidnapped and tortured and drugged for nearly two days by a man who in reality had no control over his own actions. He’d been poisoned by anthrax. Lost the woman he loved right in front of his eyes. And then been forced down a path he hadn’t expected to take because his mother needed him. He’d spent three months in prison for something he didn’t do. And yet here he was now, still working for the government, confronting the evil of humanity head on and fighting for others.

How had he pushed through all of that to remain he was at his core, when she couldn’t?

It left her wondering, almost distant for a while. “What are you thinking about?” Spencer asked, as he wrapped his arms around her from behind.

“Just…you. Wondering how you managed to remain the person you were after everything you’ve been through. I can’t imagine being the girl I was before…” She trailed off, unable to complete her thought. Sure, she’d said during the course of her interrogation that she’d been sexually assaulted at a young age, but that had been formal, professional. It wasn’t just him and her now – it was them – and it was a topic they hadn’t spoken of yet.

Spencer gently kissed the side of Billie’s neck, his arms cradling her, hand resting over her heart. “I’d like to think I’m the same person deep, deep down,” he said, his voice low as if afraid to give his thought a voice, “But I’m not the same person, Billie. I can’t be.”

She wasn’t sure whether to be relieved for herself or sad for him. “I just…I changed so much after Gruber.”

You can trust me. You’re my favorite student, you know.

“How could you not after what you went through?” He asked genuinely.

You have to keep this a secret. Even from your mom and dad.

“I don’t know, but I’ve always felt weaker for changing so much. It’s almost like I let him win.”

“No, it’s not.” Spencer dipped his head to meet hers, grazing his lips over her forehead and the tip of her nose before kissing her. “You managed to move despite what he took from you. In my eyes, that makes you one of the strongest women I’ve ever met.”

She smiled softly and found herself blushing, a rare thing for her. “Thank you,” she whispered. Before she could say anything else, they were interrupted with a ring from Billie’s phone. “Excuse me,” she said, pecking him on the lips, “I have to answer that.”

While Billie went into her bedroom to answer her phone, Spencer walked back toward the couch and fell into it with a satisfied plop. Then it dawned on him – her cell phone was on the counter. Did she have two phones?

“Hey, Mama.” She answered the phone with a lightness that only her mother seemed to bring her. “How are you?”

Everything was fine. Since they’d last spoken, Maia had picked out another target and taken care of him. Now she was resting for a few days in a dingy hotel on the border of Kansas and Nebraska. She’d only called to check in, make sure that Billie was doing okay despite their separation. “You sound good, baby.”

“I’m feeling pretty good.”

“Are you seeing someone?”

“What makes you say that?”

Despite being hundreds of miles from each other, Maia knew her daughter better than anyone else on the planet. “I know that tone. It was how I talked about your father.”

“Ummm, yea, I’m seeing someone,” Billie replied. “His name is Spencer.”

Maia hesitated on the other end of the line. “As in the FBI agent that interrogated you?”

“Yes,” Billie said, swallowing hard against the insistent lump in her throat. “That’s the one.”

“Baby, you have to be careful. He could still be investigating you.” Suddenly, it felt like Maia needed to return home right now, but she couldn’t just fly home; they were always careful not to leave a distinctive paper trail. “You know this can’t last, right?”

This was the first man her daughter had ever allowed near her heart; why him?

“Yea, I do,” she replied. She felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. It was a thought that crossed her mind each and every time they went out together. “I’ll be careful, Mama. I promise.”

“Okay, baby. You know how much I love you.”

Smiling against the pain running through her, she replied. “I know, Mama. And I love you too.”

When they hung up, Maia stared at the wall for a few moments in disbelief. She had to go home.

“You okay?” Spencer asked as she emerged from the bedroom. It looked like she’d been crying, or at least about to. “That was your mom?”

Dammit. She couldn’t deny that. It would be too obvious. Now she had to think on the fly. “Yea, she was just calling to check in on me. She’s such a worrywart.” Billie tried her hardest to look at Spencer as she spoke, but she feared he’d see too much truth in her eyes.

“That’s 99 percent of mothers,” he chuckled, standing up and returning to her side in the kitchen. “You-you don’t mention her a lot.”

When someone did what Billie did, lying became something that was second nature, and yet when she started to speak, she felt that twinge of guilt so long forgotten. Her heart didn’t want to lie to him, yet her brain knew it was necessary. “Yea, she travels a lot, so we don’t get to speak as often as we’d like. She’s got this ex,” she started, feeling the conviction build behind her words. “Typical stalker, never takes no for an answer. That’s why she calls from the burner.”

“That makes sense.” Spencer understood the built up tears beyond Billie’s eyes. He kissed the top of her head. “I could look into it for you.”

“Unfortunately, he isn’t doing anything wrong under the law,” she said, her voice thick with disdain. “Believe me, I’ve looked into it.” Her tone was harsh and she knew it. He wanted to help. “Thank you though. Mama’s used to it by now.”

“Had a good relationship with her?” Although her head was buried in his chest, she could feel the smile in his voice. Even through his mother’s mental illness, his mother had been his everything too.

“Still do. Everytime she hangs up she says ‘I’ll love you until the sun dies out and the moon falls from the sky.’”

Though they hadn’t known each other for long, she could sense his ‘statistically’ tone coming forward. “You know that scientific evidence shows that the sun will die one day. The moon falling from the sky I don’t know.”

“I do know, you dork,” she responded, standing up on her tiptoes to kiss him. “It’s the implication of infinity.”

When he was younger, he would’ve continued spouting off facts, trying to get her to see that such a statement actually had a definitive end, but not now – now he understood. “Should we go grab something to eat?”

“Yea, how about a slice down at Joe’s on fourth? I’m feeling something greasy and gross.”

Spencer chuckled and grabbed her hand, smiling against her messy brown as they walked down the stairs and down the block. “I can smell the pizza from here. I think a meat lover’s slice.”

“Mmm, that sounds good.” Billie pointed toward a table. “Wanna order for us and I’ll save our seats?”

“Sounds good.” Before leaving, he gave her a kiss, her mother’s words still ringing in her ears.

You know this can’t last, right?

For now, she would fool herself. For now, it felt like she had it all. For now, it felt like they were in their own little world. Little did she know that nearby someone was watching ready to bring her emotions crashing down.


	6. Chapter 6

As Emily sat in her office, still astounded from what she’d seen the night before, she saw Spencer come off the elevator out of the corner of her eye. She had to talk to him. What was he thinking getting involved with a suspect?

“Hey, Spence,” she said, sticking her head out of the office door. “When you get settled in and get a coffee, can I see you for a second?”

Nodding, Spencer went to grab his coffee, making one for Emily as well. A unit chief’s job was never done, and just as Hotch had, Emily spent much more time here than anyone else. “Hey,” he said. The door opened and lit up Emily’s face a bit. It reflected the uneasiness in her eyes. Something was bothering her. “What did you want to see me about?”

Her brow was furrowed in worry; she hadn’t looked like this since the last time she visited him in jail. “I was out last night and I saw you on what I assume was a date…” She hesitated, leaving him the opportunity to say something, but he said nothing. Reluctantly, she continued, “Spencer, what are you doing? You’re going out with a murder suspect?”

He’d known this was coming eventually, but he’d hoped to avoid it for a little bit longer. On the one hand, he understood where she was coming from. How could he not? Billie was a suspect at one time; and Emily was his friend - and she was also his boss. But on the other hand, he was really tired of putting this job before everything else in his life. “She’s no longer a suspect.”

“But she was!” Emily exclaimed. The harsh whisper in her voice carried across the small office despite how quiet she was trying to be. “Spencer, she was a suspect in multiple murders.”

“I don’t know what to say, Emily. We closed the case, and I feel something for her.” He realized the position he was putting her in, but he couldn’t help himself. This was the first person he’d connected with in any meaningful way since Maeve. After so long, he couldn’t give that up again; he couldn’t find it in himself.

Emily was…panicked. Since he left prison, he’d been under a very watchful eye. If her superiors found out about this, he could very well lose his job, and he’d fought so hard to prove himself and get back here. She could lose hers too. “Why her?” She asked softly, her voice breaking for him. “Do you realize the position you’re putting me in? Forget me,” she said quickly. “Do you realize the position you’re putting yourself in?”

“I do,” he said seriously, stepping closer towards Emily in an attempt to comfort her in some way. “Believe me, it goes through my mind every day, but I also can’t help how I feel. I know you understand that pull toward someone who may not be the most perfect person…but you see something in them.”

Swallowing hard, Emily glared at him. “That’s not fair.”

“I know it’s not!” He replied. He wasn’t trying to make her feel bad, but he knew she could understand deep down. She fell in love with an arms dealer knowing exactly who he was and what he was doing. The BAU wasn’t even fully convinced that Billie was 100 percent guilty. “But you of all people know that it is what it is. Please, Emily, I know what I’m asking of you, but can we try and clear her name? I-I can’t lose any more…”

Emily closed her eyes against the frustration – the frustration at Spencer, at herself, at the situation, all of it. “I’ll look into the case every chance I get so we can clear her, but we do need to tell the rest of the team, because everyone else might not be so quick to keep that a secret.”

He knew she was right, and he knew that his friends would keep his secret, but more open minds meant more opportunities for secrets spilling out, and that was the last thing he needed.

—–

On the outside, Billie was calm and collected, listening to Spencer talk as he told her about work and the fact that Emily had seen them together, and that he’d had to tell his team. “We’re working on clearing you so we don’t have to keep this relationship a secret,” he said. As he continued, she felt her heart pounding.

But on the inside, she was screaming. Her lungs were on fire. Her brain was threatening to burst out of her skull; it had 50 million tabs open trying to figure out how this was all going to play out – her mother’s words still playing in her mind. You know this can’t last, right?

“I’m sorry you’re dealing with this,” she said once she found the ability to speak again. “I can’t imagine dealing with all of this after all you’ve already been through.” Never in her life had she questioned her mission more than right in this moment. With each passing day, she felt her feelings for Spencer grow, and yet she knew that this was all going to come back to haunt him at some point. Still…she couldn’t walk away. “Hopefully, this all goes away soon.”

Spencer grabbed her hand and led her toward the couch, wanting more than anything to just decompress. His head was ready to explode. “I hope so. Honestly, I just…”

“You just what?” Apparently, before they’d met, it was fairly common for him to keep things to himself – his own words – but since prison he’d changed. Hearing him hesitate threw her off.

If anyone would understand what he was feeling, it was Billie. “I hope that we can’t catch this person. Whoever it is…”

Billie leaned into him and kissed his cheek. “Even though you’re an agent?”

“Yes. Take that out of the equation and I completely understand why this person is doing what they’re doing. I’ve never been a violent person, but…prison really changed me. Not in the “I-want-to-watch-people-suffer” way, but in the “justice-isn’t-one-sided” way.” When he turned to her, she saw the relief in his gaze. His muscles relaxed and it was like the weight of the world was gone from him. It had to be hell watching people who absolutely deserved prison walk away scot-free when he had been framed so easily for something he didn’t do.

She wrapped her arms around him. “I understand, Spence. More than anything, I understand. God, the rage that coursed through me after what I went through…it was unlike anything I’d ever felt before. It still colors who I am today. Did-did I ever tell you about what happened with Gruber?”

Spencer stiffened at the thought. It disgusted him to know that someone had put their hands and more on a little girl. “No, you haven’t said anything more than what you can find in a file, and you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“I know I don’t, but…I feel like I can trust you.” This might be the worst idea she’d ever had. But she’d never discussed it with anyone but her mother; it needed to come out.

Gently, he ran his hands through her hair as she began to tell the story. He’d been her school principal, but occasionally, in the event they couldn’t find a substitute, he’d take over for a teacher. The class pet in first grade was a little lizard named Gizzard – they had a very creative class – she’d loved that lizard. “I cried when I had to leave first grade because I didn’t want to leave the lizard,” Billie huffed. This all started with a lizard. Maybe he would’ve found another reason to lure her in, but Gruber had easily led her down this path by way of the class pet. “He told me I could come back whenever I wanted to see him, so I did. It was his actual lizard that he just happened to leave in the first grade classroom so the kids had something to look at. Or maybe it was because that’s the age of children he…” She trailed off, vomit coming up her throat at the thought. “At first, maybe for three months or so, I can’t remember, he just invited me in to see Gizzard. In his office. I should’ve known that him all of a sudden keeping Gizzard in his office was weird, considering he’d kept him in classrooms for two previous years. He would ask me about second grade and tell me that he was proud of me. And then one day, he just touched my arm. I didn’t really think anything of it at the time, but I guess that’s when it truly started. It got worse and worse over time and before long he was touching me…and then…”

Spencer was vibrating with anger as she spoke. If he ever saw him, he’d kill him – on the spot. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. He was biting his lip so hard he nearly drew blood. “I can’t imagine how you feel, but I don’t think I could blame you for feeling the way you do about the justice system when things turned out the way they did. It’s a wonder you’ve stayed grounded at all.”

Well that much was up for discussion depending on who you asked. “I feel like I have somewhat. In other ways not so much. My mama keeps me grounded. What she says when we end a call. That keeps me grounded because it reminds me of the good in the world.”

He remembered the sign off and smiled. “I can imagine that,” he said softly. “You know what keeps me grounded now?”

Shaking her head, she curled up tighter into him. “No, what?”

“Remember when we first met up after the interrogation and I said I used to prefer being called Dr. Reid, but now I prefer my first name?”

“Yea?”

“Dr. Reid was what people called me who didn’t know me. My bosses made it a point to have people call me that so they’d take me seriously, realize that despite my age I was proficient in my field. The people that called me Spencer or Spence are my friends. The people I love. After prison, I realized how important those people are to me, the things I would do for them, and how my personal relationships mean more to me know than the job.”

Billie nuzzled her head into his neck. “There are things in life we come up against that change us forever, but they also put things into perspective for us – and that changes our world.” She’d been changed by him. How exactly she wasn’t sure yet. And if she had to put her money on it, she’d guess that she’d changed him too.

With a lighter heart than she’d had in years, she grabbed his face gently and pressed her lips to his. “I know your world has changed. Mine has too. But for me…it’s not what you look at, it’s what you see.” She chose to see the world as she did.

Spencer leaned deeper into the kiss, losing himself in the feeling of her soft lips on his. She had changed him, and he imagined she’d change him further, but he was tired of fighting that change. He’d felt it in him for so long.

As she led him toward the bedroom, he decided to stop fighting.


	7. Chapter 7

Two weeks went by with nothing. He couldn’t find anything to exonerate her. He couldn’t find anything that might even lead to someone different. It was exhausting. As per Emily’s request, Spencer had told the team of his relationship with Billie.

JJ had reacted exactly how he’d thought she would. She was like his sister, and like any good sister, she was worried about despite the fact that she told him not to be. Garcia dug into Billie’s past with a fine-tooth comb but couldn’t come up with anything other than what they all already knew. Apparently, she had called Morgan petrified out of her mind that he was with someone who wasn’t good for him, so Morgan had called to tell him to be careful.

Luke, Tara and Matt were much harder to read. Although Spencer knew that the team as a whole would back him because they knew who he was and the type of man he could be deep down, that didn’t keep them from hiding their micro-expressions. Matt was frustrated – almost like Reid was a child he wanted to chastise. Luke was confused, and to be honest so was Spencer. Billie was never a person he intended to fall for. And Tara was worried but fascinated, analyzing him to a point where he had to politely ask her to stop.

Rossi on the other hand had been in this business far too long to have not seen it all. He wanted Spencer to be careful, but somehow he understood that the heart wants what it wants. Anytime he was feeling frustrated, he’d talk to either him or Emily. He appreciated their worry, but he also appreciated their understanding.

At the end of the day, he went home to her though and everything melted away. All of the bullshit, all of the sadness, all of the confusion – it all went away when her eyes fell on him.

Billie had her own apartment, but she’d all but moved in with him. Her pajamas were in his drawer. Her toothpaste was on his countertop. She had a blanket her mother had bought her years ago draped over the back of his couch. It was a crocheted blanket, made by her father’s mother, in three different shades of purple. Billie had had it since right after her father died, almost as a security.

“Long day?” Billie asked when he walked in. She was cooking dinner, something with chicken and rice, but the apartment smelled like apples and cinnamon.

Spencer nodded lazily, walking up to her side to place a kiss on her cheek. “Are you making something else? It smells like Christmas in here.”

“My mom used to make this delicious apple pie when I was very young,” she smiled softly as she pushed a stray brown hair from in front of her face. Between the smell of the pie and the subtle cleanness of the perfume she was wearing, like clothes drying on a clothesline, Spencer felt himself relax. “Obviously she didn’t get to make it for quite a few years. After dad died, she made it occasionally, but I just decided after I finished my work for today that I needed to make it.”

Chuckling softly, Spencer turned her around and pressed his lips to hers. She tasted like strawberries and subsequently noticed the remains of some nearby. “I’m sure it’ll be amazing.”

They smiled into each other, losing a few moments to sweet and fevered kisses when they were interrupted by a knock at the door. “Who is it?” Spencer called.

“My baby in there?”

“Mama?”

Quickly, she ran up to the door and opened it, elation taking over as she wrapped her arms around the older woman before pulling back in confusion. “What are you doing here?”

“I missed you,” she said honestly. That much Billie could see for sure, but her mother wouldn’t deviate from their plan so severely if she didn’t have a reason. “Can I come in?”

Spencer laughed nervously, feeling an all-together different kind of fear rolling over him. Meeting her mom. This woman meant everything to her. He wanted to make a good impression. “Hi, I’m Spencer Reid,” he said softly.

“You better not hurt my daughter.”

“Mama!”

“What? He’s a federal agent and he questioned you for murder. I’m just looking out for you.”

Billie reassured her mother that they were still looking into the case but that she hadn’t been questioned again, before leaning up to kiss Spencer on the cheek. “I’m making chicken and rice, and that apple pie you used to make. Can you stay and eat?”

“Yea, I can. If your boyfriend here doesn’t mind,” she said, turning to Spencer and softening her gaze, “I could stay here for a couple of days?”

“Of course,” Spencer replied. The vomit-y feeling of not knowing how Maia felt about him started to slip away. She was just like any mother – worried about her daughter. “Please come in.”

—–

After nearly an hour, both dinner and apple pie were complete. The apartment smelled amazing and the three of them sat down to dinner like people who’d known each other for ages.

“Favorite childhood memory?” Maia asked Spencer as she shoved an enormous piece of chicken into her mouth. Billie couldn’t help but laugh; she was never the most delicate of eaters.

Spencer seemed caught off guard. Billie knew it was because, like her, his childhood hadn’t been wonderful, but also like her, he’d had his moments. “I would have to say it was anytime my mother would read to me. I could pretty much read by myself by the time I was three or four, but having my mom read to me was always something special.”

Billie made a mental note. Now she wanted to read to him. They deserved that. At least he did. Her, she wasn’t so sure of. “Mine was you and dad pushing me on the swings,” she said casually. She could see a sadness wash over her mother, but being the woman she was, she pushed it away quickly. Later on, under the comfort of soft blankets, Maia would allow herself to cry.

As she ate, she noticed the way her daughter looked at Spencer. During Billie’s teenage years, Maia had noticed her finding a couple of boys attractive, and into her twenties, a few more, but never had she seen her baby girl with stars in her eyes. In the way she spoke and the way she acted, Maia could still the spitfire, the match to the tinder of their partnership, but now she had another layer – another beautiful layer to the beautiful girl that had been robbed of too much.

Tears built up behind her eyes. She needed time alone and they’d been talking for hours about the most mundane of things; it felt nice, but looking at how happy her daughter was and knowing what was to come, or at least what was probable, made her heart sink. “I think I’m going to get some sleep. I’ve been driving all day.” Her voice was a bit shaky. Billie knew her like the back of her hand, so she immediately knew what was wrong and given that her newfound love was a profiler, she was pretty sure he knew too, but thankfully they both set her up in Spencer’s spare room and allowed her some alone time.

“I’m gonna go check on Mama,” Billie said softly. She kissed Spencer’s nose and rolled away from him. “She misses my Dad.”

“I can only imagine.” He’d lost his parents too, well one was technically still alive, but essentially he had neither of his parents anymore, but he’d had much more time with his mom than she’d gotten with her dad – even more time than Maia had had with her husband. 

And when he imagined missing Billie, it hurt. There was such a comfort in her being there beside him. “Promise you won’t leave?” He asked.

Billie felt a black hole form in the middle of her chest. “I promise,” she said, almost inaudibly. She wanted it to be true.

—–

Behind closed doors, Maia finally allowed herself to cry. It wasn’t that she felt bad about what they were doing – that was never an issue for her. The issue was the system making her out to be a violent, deranged sociopath and taking away one of the only true sources of happiness her daughter had been able to grasp onto.

Silent tears felt loud as they hit the floor. But she stopped herself when she heard the door open. “Hey Mama.” Billie strode up to her, saying nothing more as she wrapped her arms around her.

They stood like that for nearly ten minutes before Billie said anything else. “Miss Dad?”

Always. That wasn’t the issue right now. But she wasn’t about to tell Billie that. “Yea. Same old, same old.”

Maia slipped into some pajamas that Billie had lent her and gotten under the covers, pulling Billie close as she sat beside her. Things were changing. “Do you love him?”

Billie’s eyes stung immediately. “Yes. I do. I know I shouldn’t. And I’m going to have to break his heart. But I do.”

“Why do you have to break his heart?” She asked. “You don’t need to do this anymore. This was never your fight.”

“It was always my fight,” she replied, trying to keep her voice down. “The second that man touched me it was my fight. And as sick as it sounds, this is what I’m good at. I can save children from my past. I need to. I just…” The thought of breaking Spencer’s heart was killing her. He deserved so much more than that and chastised herself over and over again for allowing herself to get close to someone. “I just have to figure out how to make him see that I’m not good enough for him.”

“You’re perfect for him,” Maia snapped, popping up off the bed and looking toward the door, realizing how loud she’d gotten. “Don’t ever talk about yourself like that. What we do is a job, it’s not who you are. The little girl I raised grew into a wonderful woman that deserves the world. You always have…and he’s…he reminds me of your dad.”

Billie’s lip quivered and she buried her head in her mother’s shoulder. She let a few tears out before regaining her composure. “Anyway, I can’t stop what we do. It’s like a calling to me now. And I can’t have my cake and eat it too.” No matter how well-matched her mother seemed to think they were, this couldn’t go on.

Her eyes felt heavy and she was already thinking up reasons to tell Spencer she’d been crying. Her father was the obvious just and would undoubtedly be what she fell back on. “I’m gonna go to sleep now, Mama. But I’ve missed you. You gonna stay for a couple days?”

“If you want me to.”

“Always, Mama.”

Watching as Billie left the room, Maia knew what had to be done. In the early days of their partnership, she’d forseen this end, so she’d already worked through the sadness of it. She was resolute in her decision. Billie was all that mattered.


	8. Chapter 8

The bile rose in his stomach.

They were getting closer and closer to piecing things together, but with the possibility of the case’s closure came the possibility that Billie was in fact the person they were looking for.

In the early days of his career, that thought would’ve been enough to make Spencer sick to his stomach. It didn’t anymore. Maybe that thought should make him sick.

“It doesn’t make any sense,” Spencer said as he stared down at the papers in his hands. The last few crime scenes that they had tentatively connected to this person were clustering nearby. “Not after all this time.”

JJ glanced over, confused over her friend’s seemingly exasperated bemusement. Shouldn’t he be glad that they were finally getting close? “What doesn’t make sense?”

Spencer ‘s attention snapped toward her. “This doesn’t strike you as weird? Whoever this is has been doing this for years. We’ve never had any forensic evidence to tie anyone to the crime and yet now we find a hair? On top of that, they’ve always been spread out across states, but now we have three victims that all fit this unsub’s type in the DC area? Why? Why now?”

Emily had been wondering the same thing. “It could be that this has been going on for years. Even longer than we’ve realized. Whoever this is could be tired. They just want to give up now.”

“With a mission that strong?” Tara asked, shaking her head. “Our unsub or unsubs have been wiping out child molesters that weren’t taken care of by the system. This is a justice-motivated crime. My experience tells me that someone like that doesn’t just stop randomly.”

“Maybe it’s not that they’re tired,” Rossi interjected. “There could be a reason behind this someone wanting to get caught.”

“Like what?” Emily asked, trying to roll with the train of thought they were on. Something had to give. They needed to get this unsub so they could go back to catching the people they actually wanted to catch. As a unit chief, that was probably a sentiment she shouldn’t voice out loud.

Luke popped into the room from his mini coffee break, not missing a beat in the conversation. “What if our unsub had a recent stressor? Something that set them on edge and is making them disorganized now? Hence the hair we have. We’ve been surmising that this is more than one unsub. What if one partner is protecting the other?”

Shrugging, Spencer grabbed the cup of coffee Luke had brought for him. Suddenly, he didn’t feel like drinking it. If Billie was connected to this, then her partner might be protecting her. Or she was the one doing the protecting. He didn’t want this to be her, but he didn’t think he’d be able to blame her if it was. He didn’t have it in him anymore. “It’s unlikely, considering how careful they’ve been up till now, but I guess I could buy that over them just stopping. You don’t just stop metering out justice like that.”

A silence came over the room, but Spencer didn’t catch on for a few moments until Tara cleared her throat, her lips tightened into an uncomfortable smile. “What?”

“You just said ‘you don’t just stop metering out justice like that,’” Matt said. “You think this is justice?”

Spencer snapped defensively. “Is our job not to get into the mind of the killer? Our unsub obviously believes this is justice. That’s all I meant.”

But was it really?

Looking around the room made his heart break, but after all these years (and prison especially) he’d honed an amazing poker face. The people he loved, the team he’d give his life for time and time again…so many of them were looking at him in mixes of confusion, disappointment and surprise – like he was actually that different person he’d feared would emerge after prison.

Matt said nothing more, unconvinced of his teammate’s words. Rossi obviously wasn’t convinced, but he also wasn’t looking at him with the same perceived disdain that Matt was. After so many years on the job, Rossi understood it all – it was probably what made him so good at his job. Like Gideon, he was damned by his profound knowledge of others, but Rossi allowed himself to be open with others instead of pulling inward. Spencer was convinced that’s what allowed Rossi to last this long, even if the bags under the older man’s eyes said that he wasn’t going to be able to stomach this for much longer.

It was too hard to read Luke, but he seemed angry. It was Garcia and JJ he didn’t want to look at because both of them wore their feelings right on their sleeves. No matter what their words said, their eyes spoke the truth.

Maya Angelou once said, “We are only as blind as we want to be.” But as he glanced around the room and tried to read the people he loved, he wondered who among them was blind to the truth.

—-

After spending the entire day working on nothing but this case, Emily called it and told everyone to go home. His eyelids were heavy, not from actual exhaustion but exasperation. Despite that, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the files. “Spence, you need to go home.”

“I need this to not be her.”

Emily hesitated a moment, not wanting to ask the question but feeling compelled to do so. “What if it is?”

He closed his eyes against the thought and his breath hitched. “I…don’t know. Emily, I…I love her. And if it is her, I can’t even blame her. Not after all she’s been through.”

She was afraid he’d say that, but she also knew it was coming. Before she could say anything, he continued. “I think if it was her I’d quit. I believe in justice, Emily. You know I do,” his voice started to waver in desperation. He needed someone he loved, his family, to still see the man they knew so long ago. When he looked in the mirror he wasn’t sure anymore. “But justice comes in different forms and I don’t think I’d have the heart to continue doing this knowing who I put away.”

Sitting down at his side, Emily wrapped her arms around him. “Spence, I’m so sorry. I pray for your sake that this isn’t her.”

“Me too.”

“I love you, Emily. I’m…so sorry for everything I’ve put you through.” A tear fell from his eye, but he caught himself and pulled away.

She could only squeeze him tighter. “You’re one of my best friends, Spence. I wouldn’t do anything differently.”

Finally, after much more convincing, Emily got Spencer to go home. “Hey!” Billie said as he opened the door. Her bright and shining smile made his heart lighter. She couldn’t be a killer. She wasn’t. Not this woman in front of him. It didn’t make sense.

…But it did.

“Hey,” he replied sleepily as he leaned in for a kiss.

“Long day?”

Nodding, he grabbed a piece of fruit. He hadn’t eaten in nearly 8 hours because he couldn’t peel his eyes from his work. “We were working on the case all day. We have a couple theories but none work for me.”

Billie eyed him quizzically.

“Well, whoever this is has been clustering their kills lately. More in this area. And that doesn’t make sense.”

She wanted to throw up. If they were on the track of the same person they’d been before, then her mother had been working around the clock while she was here. It would explain why she’d barely been in the apartment and been fairly distant. At first, Billie just assumed that her mother was especially quiet because it was near the anniversary of her father’s death, but this made even more sense and made Billie sick to her stomach.

“Our theories are that they are tired and want to be caught. They want to be caught to protect a partner, although we have very little evidence that isn’t circumstantial to indicate that this is more than one person anyway. Or that they’ve been doing this for so long that they’re starting to mess up.”

Her mother didn’t mess up. And she wouldn’t want to be caught. She didn’t want to stop. Not when there were so many people out there stealing innocence away from the youngest and most vulnerable. It could only be because of Billie.

“But I’m here now and I don’t want to think about anything else,” Spencer said, shaking away the awful thoughts and refocusing himself on her. “How about we have dinner and a movie? Blankets and pillows on the floor? I don’t want to think about anything else.”

That was something they could both agree on. The possibilities were too horrible to name. “That sounds good. I just made pasta for tonight.”

Both of them grabbed some pasta and Spencer got a movie from his room before returning to the floor where Billie had already put together some blankets and pillows.

Though there was still an awful, gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach, she texted her mother to see where she was and put the phone away, paying attention to only Spencer – the way his hair fell in front of his eyes, the way he smiled when he looked at her, the way his voice automatically felt lighter when she was near. “I…” She hesitated. She shouldn’t say it. She couldn’t. This was all going to blow up in her face.

“What?” Spencer asked, suddenly concerned.

Leaning in, she kissed him softly before pulling away. “I-I love you, Spence.”

“I love you too,” he laughed softly as a tear sprang to his eye. “I love everything you are.” He did. No matter what happened…he loved her. Maybe that made him a bad person, but honestly…he didn’t care.

—- 

Taking a deep breath, Maia looked down at the man in front of her and scoffed at his attempts to move the gag from his mouth. Struggling against his restraints was futile. He wasn’t getting out of here. “Don’t bother. You lost the right for sympathy when you touched your 4-year-old niece. I have no qualms about killing you.”

She had already called in a tip with her demands. An audience. The last thing she needed to do was click send.

I’ll love you until the sun dies out and the moon falls from the sky, my love.


	9. Chapter 9

Billie could’ve stayed in this moment forever – this beautiful wavering between bliss and ignorance. But as soon as she had the thought, her phone buzzed. Life was cruel with momentary breaks of happiness.

It was a text from her mother.

Her sign off.

She could feel her heart sink. Why was her mother signing off without another word?

“What’s wrong?” Spencer asked.

All of a sudden his phone buzzed too. “Emily?”

“Yea, we need you. Garcia just sent you the address. Maia Noble…just confessed to murder.”

Spencer could feel his eyes start to water. She had to be kidding. This couldn’t be happening. “I’ll be right there.”

“Don’t tell Billie. She can’t-“

“She’s here,” he said softly.

Emily sighed. “Fuck.”

“I’ll be right there,” he repeated before hanging up the phone. When he met Billie’s gaze, he could see her pain. It reminded him of how he felt when he watched his mother taken away by Lindsay Vaughn. “What was your message?”

“My mama. She just texted her send off. Spence, that’s not like her.” With each word, he could feel the rampant beating of her heart.

He hesitated a moment. It’s not like he was going to keep it from her. Even if she hadn’t been in the apartment with him, he wasn’t about to keep that information from the woman he loved. “Emily just called me. She said…”

“She said what Spence?” Billie asked, her heart racing so fast she thought it might explode.

He stepped toward her and grabbed her hand, squeezing it slightly in an effort to soften the blow knowing that it would do no good. “She called the Bureau and confessed to murder.”

“What?” Billie cried, wrenching her hand away. “No. That can’t be.”

Why was she doing this? Why would she turn herself in? They’d been doing this for over a decade without being caught. Why would she hand them over now?

“No. No. No. NO!” She cried, pulling away and grabbing her coat.

Spencer tried in vain to get her to focus on him for a second. To let him handle this. But she wasn’t having it. “You can’t come with me. You know you can’t.”

“I have to! It’s my mother!”

He tried to put up a fight, but he knew Billie; once she said she was going to do something, her mind was made up.

Running down the stairs after him, Billie fought the urge to throw up. What was her mother thinking? It didn’t make any sense. Why would she put them in jeopardy?

Before they got in the car, Spencer turned around and grabbed her face in his hands and kissed her. “It’s going to be okay. Okay? We’ll get through this.”

That’s when it dawned on her. 

—–

“Please,” the man begged, trying in vain to wriggle free from his restraints. “Let me go. We can pretend this never happened.”

He was afraid. Maia could see it in his eyes. And he had every right to be. Because he wasn’t making it out of this room alive if she had anything to say about it.

Off in the distance, she could see the faint tinge of red and blue lights fighting through the never-ending towers on either side of the street. With tears in her eyes, she picked up the phone and dialed her baby girl. She was with him right now, and if what she thought was actually correct, she would be with him on the way here, giving her ample opportunity to leave the message she needed to leave.

Just as she thought, the phone went to voicemail. Thank god. She wasn’t sure she’d be able to say what she needed to say if Billie was actively listening on the other end.

“Hello, my love.” She started, smiling to herself. Since she’d made her decision, she’d known what she was going to say. “When I first heard you talk about him, I knew. I knew that he was everything you’d ever wanted. All I’ve ever wanted for you was to be happy. To see you happy was and is my driving force. What I’ve done…” She knew to choose her words carefully in case the Bureau got hold of her message. “I don’t want it to get between the two of you and what you have, because what you have is so rare. To go home at the end of the day and be able to say that the man you love truly understands you…loves you…that’s everything.” Spencer may not have known everything about Billie, but Maia had faith in him and his love for her little girl. “It’s what I had with your father and you deserve to have it too. So this stops now. I have no idea what’s going to happen from here on out, but no matter what, I need you to know that I’ve loved you since I first felt you kick when I was pregnant. I knew in that moment I’d do anything to protect you. I’ve done all I could. If I could go back…things would be different. Hopefully. But I’ve never regretted a thing I’ve done to protect you and I never will. Billie girl, I will love you with every breath I take, with every fiber of my body, until the end of time. What I’ve done, I’ve done for you.”

Before she could change her mind, she hung up the phone. She could feel her resolve fading, but this is what needed to be done. She and Spencer deserved a chance – even if a chance was all they were going to get.

The lights stopped outside and she could hear a number of feet hit the ground. “Maia Noble, put the weapon down! I’m SSA Emily Prentiss. Please, put the gun down.” The brunette woman screamed. She reminded Maia of herself actually.

“I can’t do that.”

A number of other agents filed in. A much older gentleman, even older than herself. A pretty blonde. A taller Asian man with a glare of steel. One thing Maia prided herself on was being able to read people. These were good people. She wasn’t about to hurt any of them. The man with her gun to his head? That was a different story.

But she didn’t see Spencer.

When tires screeched outside, she felt her resolve strengthen. Spencer was here. And Billie probably was too. This was to give them a chance.

“Mama!” Billie screeched as she ran inside, only brought back by Spencer’s arms. “Let go of me! Mama, what are you doing?”

“Maia Noble! I’m Special Agent David Rossi,” the older man said. “Please, put your weapon down and we’ll talk.”

“We can talk. But I’m not putting the weapon down.”

Rossi moved forward slowly, holstering his weapon in an attempt to get Maia to stand down as well. “You don’t need to do this.”

“It’s already been done,” Maia replied as she glanced toward her daughter. Billie was on the ground, begging Spencer to let her go, but she shot him a glance to do no such thing. Spencer was doing exactly what she wanted him to do. “Many, many times before.”

“You’ve killed?”

“No!” Billie screamed. “Mama, don’t lie!” She was still trying to protect her. She didn’t need her protection. Not like this.

“Yes, I have. For over a decade. Pieces of shit like this.” She ran the gun against the side of the man’s head. “Men and women who’ve abused children. Never ones that have been taken care of through the system though. Just those who’ve fallen through the cracks.”

Billie began sobbing, unable to scream anymore, but she stopped fighting Spencer’s grasp, which put Maia’s mind at ease.

“Your husband was a cop,” the blonde called. “Why would you fight against the system your husband fought to uphold?”

Maia snapped back quickly. “Don’t presume to know what my husband fought for just because he wore a uniform. My husband fought for justice. And he fought for our daughter. Just like I have.”

“So you’ve done all this for her? For Billie?”

Maia turned to face her little girl. “For Billie. I watched and tortured myself over the fact that that piece of garbage touched my little girl, raped my daughter and got away with it!” She continued more calmly. “I could never go after him because it would’ve been too obvious, but I could make sure other children didn’t suffer the way she did. It was my way of making up the fact that I didn’t catch things before they started. That I didn’t protect her.” Now she was the one who was crying, but her resolve was stronger than ever.

“Mama, it wasn’t your fault! It was him!” Billie screamed. She nearly tore her vocal chords trying to convince her mother to do anything but this.

She was taking the blame. She was taking it all on herself so that she and Spencer might be able to have a life together.

“She’s lying!” Billie exclaimed, turning into Spencer and grabbing his collar. “She’s lying. She wanted the attention off me for the investigation so she’s trying to take the blame.” When Spencer stared back at her with glazed over eyes, she turned towards Emily. “Agent Prentiss, she’s lying!”

“Maia,” Emily said softly, glancing at Billie. “Don’t do this. Your daughter loves you.”

“I love her too.”

Slowly, and with her eye trained on Emily, Maia reached into her pocket with one hand and pulled the trigger with the other.

One shot rang out and another followed.

“Mama!”

Billie cried out and wrenched herself away from Spencer as her mother fell to the floor. “Mama!” She dropped to her side and pushed the gun out of the way. There was blood on the floor, but she’d shot the man in the chair. It was his blood. Right? Looking down, she saw a red rose bloom from her mother’s chest. “No, no, no, no. Stay with me.” She pushed down on her mother’s chest and watched as the crimson flooded through her fingers. “Mama, why?”

“You deserve to have the life you choose, not the one I chose for you,” she breathed softly, her hand grazing the left side of her daughter’s face. She could feel herself getting colder. As she gazed at her little girl, she remembered the contours of her face, the slope of her chin and the delicate short waves in her hair. How much her husband’s eyes were reflected before her. “You have made me the proudest mother on earth, Billie. I wouldn’t change a hair on your head.”

The pain was getting to her, but after childbirth, it was more the saying her inevitable goodbye that hurt more.

“No, Mama. Don’t say goodbye to me. I love you so much. Please…don’t go.”

“I’ll love you until the sun dies out and the moon falls from the sky, baby girl.”

With a soft breath, her eyes closed. “No! Mama!”

Emily came to her side and tried to speak.

“The bullet came from your gun,” Billie breathed in disbelief. “You killed my mother! You killed her! You killed her!”

She stood up and charged at Emily, only stopped once again by Spencer’s embrace.

As he held the woman he loved, he sobbed into her hair. Billie was distraught. One of his best friends was responsible. And he didn’t know where he was “supposed” to side. He couldn’t concentrate on anything - only the raw screams, devoid of words, resounding throughout the warehouse.


	10. Chapter 10

After she’d ripped herself from Spencer’s arms, she’d collapsed onto her mother’s body, which drenched her clothes in a viscous, crimson liquid she refused to acknowledge was from her mother. It couldn’t be. This was her mother. She couldn’t have lost her already.

“Ma’am, we need to check you out,” the EMT said, kneeling at Billie’s side.

Slowly, her eyes trailed the man’s hands until she met his gaze. “What?”

“You’re covered in blood. We have to make sure it’s not yours.”

Billie’s voice came out lower than a whisper. “I know it’s not.” Her eyes were at war with her mind.

When he attempted to move her from the ground, she stumbled back, screaming at him to leave her alone.

Spencer emerged at her side again. “Billie, please. Just let them check you out. You’re in shock. Please.”

“Get the hell away from me,” she said, as she gently pushed him away. Her eyes were drowning in tears and she wasn’t sure she’d ever surface. “She…your friend. She killed my mother. How could…”

She collapsed into a new fit of tears, barely able to stand save for the female EMT who’d come up to her side to ask her one more time to please let them make sure she wasn’t physically injured.

While she slunk outside of the building and toward the ambulance, Spencer’s eyes remained on the floor, following the trail of blood to the woman who bore the one he loved. He couldn’t save her. No matter what he did – he couldn’t save the people he held most dear. And now Billie could barely look at him.

“Spence, I’m sorry,” Emily said, placing her hand on Spencer’s shoulder and flinching when he spun around without warning. “I’m so sorry. I had to…”

As he looked at the floor, his lip started to quiver. “Did you really? What if she was lying?”

His unit chief and friend eyed him disbelievingly. “Come on, Spence. You heard everything she said. Did it sound like she was lying? Everything makes sense. And…”

Spencer had barely heard her last word because it had been nearly audible. Like she hadn’t meant to start a new thought, but he caught it. “What? And what?”

Emily pulled a flash drive from her pocket. “This is what Maia was reaching for.”

Of course this was probably all evidence that Maia had to incriminate herself, but Spencer found himself raging inside. “So you’re saying you shot her because of a flash drive? You killed the mother of the woman I love for a flash drive?”

Her gaze bore through him. “I shot her because of the gun in her hand! Nothing more.”

“The gun wasn’t pointed at any of us,” Spencer replied, turning around and pacing the floors as he ran his fingers through his hair. “There was no danger and you killed her for a flash drive that could easily be fabricated.”

She pitied him. He was pulling at straws and from the tone in his voice he knew it. “She had a gun pointed at a man’s head! There was a danger and you know it.”

“For a child molester!” He screamed, his voice hoarse with rage. As soon as the words came out of his mouth, he regretted it, not the sentiment, but the voicing of it. Emily was shocked, and he couldn’t bear to look at her anymore, turning to run toward the ambulance before he said something else that proved to the people he loved that he was no longer the person they knew.

—-

Once outside, Billie sat unceremoniously on the edge of the ambulance, allowing the EMTs to do whatever they wanted with her. She didn’t care.

She couldn’t feel anything.

Nothing was in focus.

Her breathing felt shallow, but her heartbeat was steady.

The noises around her bled into nothingness.

Mama was gone. Dad was gone. And now Mama was too…she was…

Her heart lurched in her chest at the thought. “Are we almost done?” How long had she been sitting there?

She wanted to be out of here before Spencer came out. What was she supposed to say to him right now?

“Just a few more minutes, ma’am.”

Her eyelids felt heavy, her body swaying back and forth as she zoned out on a piece of sidewalk in front of her. But suddenly, the sidewalk went out of view, a sea of gray blocking her line of sight.

“Billie.” She heard her name as soft as a whisper, but couldn’t focus enough to make out who it was. “Billie.”

When she looked up, she saw him. “What do you want?” She spat, about to devolve into another sobbing fit. “What else can you take from me?”

Spencer just wrapped his arms tighter around her as her legs gave out from under her. The EMTs attempted to come closer, but Spencer waved them off. She had no cuts and bruises. “I’m so sorry. I so, so sorry. It wasn’t…”

It wasn’t him. She knew that. Agent Prentiss was the one that made the decision. But that didn’t stop her mind from wondering whether or not the man she loved was against her too. Everything and everyone else seemed to be, so why not?

—-

That night she had gone home with Spencer, moving through the air as if it were molasses. Since nothing felt tangible, she just allowed Spencer to move her where she needed to go and collapsed into his arms as she cried.

For three days, she barely moved – only eating because Spencer was there to feed her – moving between waves of sadness and numbness with no in between. “Am I going to be able to bury my mama?” She asked.

It was the first time she’d spoken in days, but Spencer wasn’t exactly sure what to say. “I’m going to do everything I can to get her released from custody, okay?” He nuzzled his nose into her hair and kissed her. “I swear.”

“Please,” she said, her voice breaking instantly. “Please just don’t let her rot in there. She needs to be with my dad again. Please, Spence.” She devolved into full on sobs and hours later, fell asleep on his chest again.

—-

Four days after the fact, Spencer returned to work. He hadn’t even told Emily he’d been taking off, he just did. When he walked in they all seemed surprised to see him. “Spence, what are you doing here?” Emily asked, placing her hand on his arm.

He got a few looks from Matt, who probably had no idea who he was at this point. It didn’t matter. Spencer wasn’t quite sure either. JJ looked like she pitied him. Tara did too, but less so. None of them seemed to get it. Other than Emily, and Garcia, who’d come up behind him without a word and hugged his chest before walking back to her lair.

Like Billie, he was numb. He didn’t know who he was anymore; he only knew who he loved and she was hurting. “I had to come back sometime right?” He forced a small smile but everyone around them knew it was staged. “I-I came back today because I need to get her mother’s body out of custody. She deserves to bury her mother.”

“Spence, I…can’t do that. You know I can’t.” In the eyes of her superiors, she’d neglected her duties by failing to mention that Spencer was dating the unsub’s daughter.

“Please,” he begged, his voice more filled with emotion than it had been in days. He repeated himself. “Please. Tell the medical examiners to take whatever the need to keep for evidence, but you said it yourself, this is open and shut, right?”

The flash drive had been examined to within an inch of its life – it implicated Maia and only Maia, and the BAU’s belief that a two-person team was involved was tenuous at best. None of the current evidence indicated more than a one-man, or woman, operation.

Emily sighed heavily. “I’ll try.”

“Please,” Spencer cried. “Billie just wants to bury her mother next to her father.”

Something about this exchange felt different to Spencer, not in his interactions with the team; he knew Emily had abided by protocol, but he didn’t feel the same being in this building.

In the past, it had felt like home, and while he still loved his team with all his heart, he realized that his heart was no longer in this building; it was at home.

—-

When Spencer returned to work, Billie wasn’t sure what to do – how to be. Everything took too much energy and it was energy she needed to stay alive, though that felt like a futile effort.

Her mother was gone. She should be too. After all, she was also a killer. Spencer was in love with a killer. He deserved so much more than that. And yet to leave meant cutting off the only other thing tethering her to the world.


	11. Chapter 11

She felt like a shell of her former self.

Like sand sifting through the hourglass, like the hand on a clock after a long and trying day at work, like watching molasses pour from a jar.

To him, she looked it.

In the few days that followed the release of Maia’s body, Billie said nothing, unable to process her thoughts well enough to do anything. She wasn’t sure what to say. Did she tell Spencer to leave? Did she cling on to him for dear life? Both held merit, and yet her head was spinning too quickly to comprehend what the right decision was. Better not to do anything until she could form a coherent thought – that’s what her mother would’ve said.

“Are you ready?” He asked, flinching at the words as they left his mouth. That was a fucking stupid question. “It’s time to go.”

Maia’s funeral was today. Spencer had put together every detail with Billie’s clipped approval so that she didn’t have to think about any more stress than she already had. Plus, considering it was his friend that killed her mother, he felt somewhat responsible for Maia’s death. And he couldn’t bear watching the love of his life in such pain and confusion.

On the way to the funeral home, tears fell down her cheeks and onto the outfit she was wearing. Her mother wouldn’t have wanted her changing the way she dressed for a couple hours of remembrance, so she wore a baggy black dress – shapeless and comfortable. Her legs felt cool to the touch because of the length of the dress, but that was about all she could feel; she hadn’t even noticed that a tear had fallen on her skin until she’d looked down to see the cloudy sky somewhat reflected in the near perfect drop of water.

Spencer said nothing, reaching over with one hand and grasping her hand in his. She could see he was touching her, but she couldn’t feel it. All she could feel was a gnawing hollowness at the center of her chest. This wasn’t how this was supposed to be. She wasn’t supposed to fall in love. She wasn’t supposed to lose her mother like this. They’d been so careful all their lives – to make sure that they always kept each other safe. But Billie hadn’t done her job and now she was suffering the consequences.

“Billie?” He asked, reaching out for her hand.

They had arrived at the funeral home. How long had they been here? “I can’t do this…” She breathed.

Spencer crouched down by the passenger side door and brushed a piece of hair from her face. God, she looked so frail. How could she go from healthy to fragile in a matter of days? “You can. She’s not going to be in there. The casket will be closed. People can only come for a few hours to pay their respects. And then she’ll be lowered next to your dad, just like she wanted.

Looking at him through tear-stained eyes, she nodded and stepped out of the car, holding onto Spencer for strength. She needed that strength right now. Maybe that was selfish considering what she was thinking of doing, but she didn’t have the ability to do anything else – the courage wasn’t there.

When they walked inside, there were a few people who’d known Maia and Liam in their younger years, offering condolences Billie didn’t want or need. What were they going to do? Condolences? They did nothing – only threw into further relief that she was an orphan now. Were they her mother? Her father? Could they throw their arms around her and make her feel like she was home? No. So all their words did was made her feel like she was in a perpetual state of sinking.

The entire time, Spencer stayed by her side, never speaking unless she spoke first, only offering gestures of comfort when he believed them appropriate.

It was nearly an hour after they’d arrived that everything changed. A pit forming at the bottom of his stomach. His team was here.

Billie eyed them with fire in her eyes and Spencer excused himself to speak with them. “What are you doing here?” He asked JJ, his voice low and hushed. “Why would you come here?”

“For you,” she replied.

A tinge of familiarity and love encompassed him, but he shook his head. “This isn’t about me. It’s about Billie. You…you killed her mother.”

“I had to,” Emily replied as she had numerous times over the past few days. “It doesn’t mean I don’t feel something, especially given what Billie means to you.”

Spencer knew the rules she was bound by, but that didn’t stop the woman he loved from being in nearly irreversible pain. “I appreciate the gesture,” he said, “I really do. And I believe you feel bad. But I need you to leave. This is not okay.”

When he looked up, he saw that Matt hadn’t joined them. That didn’t surprise him. Garcia was openly sobbing and he was almost positive that he’d caught a glance of understanding between Billie and Garcia; Billie knew people, she could sense Garcia’s distraught was genuine.

“I’m sorry, Spence,” Emily breathed softly, trying to make eye contact with Billie to no avail.

Nodding, he coaxed them all outward, receiving hugs from them all once he was out of Billie’s line of sight. “I know you are, I just…I need to be there for her right now.”

“I understand.”

He wondered if they did.

—-

The next hours felt like an eternity. The world moved in slow motion, people moving in and out, some she recognized, some she didn’t, all making the same condolences that felt more and more hollow as the minutes wore on.

Everything else passed by in a blur until her mother’s grave, which they’d somehow driven to without her even realizing, was vacated by all but herself and Spencer. Maia’s headstone would arrive in a few days time. In the meanwhile, she was where she belonged. Billie’s eyes were sunken and hollow, nothing like the beautiful, fiery woman he’d met all those months ago.

For a few hours, she sat back in his embrace, wavering between bouts of crying, numbness and something like fondness. “Can we go to the beach?” She asked.

That was…a little weird. He wanted to ask why, but she immediately got this far off look in her eyes, almost peaceful, and he hated to rip that away from her.

—-

“We’re here.”

Billie’s eyes scanned the beach, her soul more at peace than it had been in days. “Let’s go then.”

When they got to the area where the ocean met the sand, they resumed their position from the cemetery. “Why did you want to come here?” He asked softly. “Any particular reason?”

For her there was. Although her parents were now both in the same cemetery, the place she always felt her father upon his death was at the beach, and she needed to feel them both now, see if they might guide her toward making the right decision. “This was where my parents met. And I spent quite a few birthdays here. It’s where I got this.” The angel wings bracelet. “They gave it to me for my 12th birthday. The wings are separate because it’s one for each of them – my angels.”


	12. Chapter 12

If she’d been in that warehouse with her mother, Emily would’ve shot her too. So what was she still doing here? This apartment was filled with memories – memories of a mother that loved her son, memories of friends that would give life and limb for the man they called friend, memories of pages swept through over and over again as he tried to distract himself from the horrors around him, so many memories. And her presence here was slowly turning those memories sour. Billie claimed to love Spencer – no, fuck it, she did love Spencer, does, but she’s a killer, just like her mother, so if the circumstances had been different, Billie too would’ve been on the receiving end of a bullet.

But how was she supposed to walk away when her mother and father were gone and the only person left alive who loved her had no idea of the other dark secret she held? It’s because she was selfish. She’d been through so much and yearned for so long that the idea of losing that connection was more than she could bear.

Fuck, she whispered to herself. She wanted to get up and do some of the freelance work that she had been assigned, but it all felt fruitless. It had been a couple of weeks since the funeral; Garcia contacted her a few days later to say how sorry she was about everything, even though she had little to do with it. Other than that, the only person in Billie’s orbit was Spencer, and she clung to him like a lifeline. Essentially that’s what he was – her tether to reality. She didn’t know what to do. In these instances, she’d call her mother, but…

“What do I do?” She asked out loud, angry at the dead silence that reverberated back to her.

Spencer was at work, though he didn’t look the same when he left in the morning as he did when they first started dating. Something had changed; it was all her fault. Just another reason she hated herself.

She was a disappointment all around and now she’d made a man deserving of the world fall in love with her – a killer.

As a rush of vomit rose in her throat, she ran to the bathroom, making it just in time to not make a mess in the apartment. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Spencer didn’t need this in his life. He’d been through too much already – enough for ten lifetimes. It was time to do what she should’ve done a while ago. It was time to do what she should have done the moment he asked her out in the first place.

—–

Since the funeral, Spencer had gone into work every day, walking dully past the concrete halls of the parking garage and into the cold elevator, waiting for his friends to look at him in varying stages of pity and shame and anger. There was love behind their looks, but he couldn’t help but see everything else on top of that now and he wasn’t sure how long he could take that.

“How are you?” Emily asked, taking him off guard. He’d been in his own little world and hadn’t even noticed her approach him. “How…how is Billie?”

Spencer shrugged and rubbed his temples. “Numb. She’s numb. She misses her mother. I realize you acted by the books, but Maia was a good person. The people she killed were scum of the earth. You said so yourself, so…I’m just having a really hard time dealing with all this.”

“I know. I get it,” she whispered, giving his arm a squeeze before glancing down the hallway. “Coffee?”

“Always,” he replied with the smallest of smiles.

Watching as she walked away, he realized that the only thing that hadn’t changed were the love from his closest friends. JJ, Garcia, Emily and Rossi had always been there for him, and he suspected they always would. Luke and Tara were a little more difficult to decipher, and Matt barely conversed with him save for work issues. That was the only thing that had remained constant. Otherwise, he sat at his desk dreading getting a call for a case. When he’d first started all those years ago, all he wanted was for a case to come through, because he knew he could help, but now…it was like waiting for the other shoe to drop; like watching as the sword strikes down on you with no means of deflection while being frozen in place.

For so long, his work had been his life and he’d wanted it to be. But now…he didn’t.

The realization made his heart lurch in his throat. He disguised it as Emily came back with his coffee and a soft smile. It was such a scary realization. He didn’t want to be here anymore.

So what did he want?

—–

On his way home from work, Spencer smiled at the thought of Billie waiting for him. She mentioned possibly ordering in tonight and watching a movie. It was kind of their shtick and it felt comfortable for him; like getting under the blankets after a long, hard day. It also made him feel better. Maybe her mother’s death hadn’t killed the last vestiges of hope inside her. Ever since that day, she’d been pulling away from him. He understood; it was a natural reaction to loss and a step in the grieving process, but that didn’t mean that it hurt any less to see the woman he loved isolate herself into oblivion.

When he pulled up to the curb, he saw the light on and smiled, quickly heading up the stairs. “What are you doing?” He asked upon opening the door. She had bags with her. An arrow was shot into his heart. “Where are you going?”

Spencer looked up to see the look on her face and felt the arrow twist. “You’re leaving.”

Her eyes filled with tears. “I have to. You don’t deserve this.”

“Deserve what? Billie, I love you.” After all the shit he’d been through in his life, didn’t he deserve this? Love? Was life going to be that cruel to him?

“I love you too,” she sobbed. “That’s why I have to go. You don’t deserve to be taken down by my anger and my family and my problems.”

She covered her face in her hands as she choked back a sob. “I’m so angry now. Before I was, but…I don’t know. It’s different now. You don’t deserve to have my anger and shame rub off on you to the point where you aren’t the man I fell in love with.”

This couldn’t be real. No. Not now. “I haven’t been the same since long before I met you. Everything that’s happened to me recently has changed who I am as a person. And what do you have to be ashamed of? You haven’t done anything.”

He was so clueless, she thought to herself as she placed her bags over her shoulder. “I’m the reason both my parents are dead.”

“What?” Come to think of it, he didn’t know how her father had died, just that it had been in the line of duty. “How were you possibly responsible for your father’s death?” She was just making excuses. He couldn’t let her walk away when she wasn’t thinking clearly.

Billie’s lip quivered as he stepped toward her. She took a step back. “Don’t. After Gruber, my father, all he wanted was to take him down. But he couldn’t get any evidence. When the verdict came back not guilty, he blamed himself and transferred to the sex crimes unit. He worked specifically with kids that had been molested. He saved tons of children,” she sobbed. “And then one day, he went into a house to apprehend a suspect and got shot in the chest. Died instantly. Because he felt he failed me, he relentlessly pursued these people and it cost him his life. It’s my fault!”

“You were a child! It wasn’t your fault and you know it Billie. You’re still reeling from your mother. This is you spiraling.” He wanted nothing more than to keep her from falling.

He was right. She knew it. But she couldn’t stop the thoughts from pushing up against the crumbling walls of her mind. They were on their way in and there was no way to stop it. The only way out was to leave so that the walls could slowly repair themselves. She continued so softly Spencer barely heard her. “And now my mama’s gone too. I can’t let what I am now affect who you will be. I love you too much for that.”

“Your mother made her choices,” he said softly.

“Because of me! She did what she did to protect me!”

Pushing passed him, she grabbed the last suitcase with her hand and opened the door, stopped in her path by Spencer’s grip around her arm. “Spencer, please!” She cried. “Just let me go…this anger I have…I don’t want you to see it in me. I’m not who you think I am.”

“You’re the woman I love!”

Before she could stop herself, she spun around and said the first thing that came to mind – the one thing that might make him let go long enough for her to start on Plan Z. “Spencer,” she hissed, “I’m a murderer.”


	13. Chapter 13

What?

Why was she doing this?

Why was she trying to convince him that she was anything other than the woman he fell in love with?

“You didn’t kill your parents, Billie,” Spencer said emphatically, his voice catching in his throat as he pulled her back into the apartment. He’d never wanted to convince someone of something so badly, not even himself, when he was in prison trying to convince himself he’d get released as he scratched another hatch mark into the wall. “You were a child then, and your mother made her choices.”

“That’s not what I meant,” she spat, eyes wild as she ripped her hand away and opened up the door again. “I am everything you thought I was. My past made my present and my future. You deserve more than me.”

As she wrenched her hand from his, he stood frozen in place, watching through blurred tears as she ran down the stairs. She…she couldn’t possibly have meant what he was thinking, could she?

My past made my present and my future.

I am everything you thought I was.

When they first met, he assumed she was a murderer – a vigilante killer. One he’d empathized with. One he’d wanted desperately not to catch.

They’d assumed the killer had a partner…

…It was her.

Billie and Maia.

The BAU had been right all along.

—–

In the ensuing seconds, Spencer turned around to the window to catch a glimpse of her. She was running down the street. To where he didn’t know. Presumably far away from here.

The woman he loved was a killer.

He took a deep breath and turned around to sit on the couch. His heart was racing and his head was pounding, but he wasn’t reacting how he imagined he would.

In the past, the realization would’ve had him running to the bathroom, bile rising in his throat as he scrambled for the toilet. His skin should’ve been crawling. But all he could feel right now was a mix of resignation, shame, sorrow and longing.

Something in the back of his mind told him from the beginning that she was hiding a piece of herself, even after her confession about her past, but that hadn’t stopped him from falling in love with her. Her confidence, her easy smile, the shine in her eyes, and the softness of her heart despite the things she’d been through. How had this happened? How had he fallen in love with a killer? How was she a killer? How was he not disgusted with himself for still wanting her despite it all? Because the fact was that he wasn’t.

Yes, she’d made a choice, but she’d made her choices based on circumstances, based on events that imprinted firmly on her mind and never left. He should’ve felt the need to distance himself from her, but what he truly wanted was to call her and ask her to come back – to talk to him. The idea that he’d lost her couldn’t be reality. She was going to come back…right?

Since his time in prison, he’d had a shift in mindset – one that he hadn’t been willing to fully confront until just this moment. He still believed in justice. His team had proved as much. But justice wasn’t just one-sided, and in his heart of hearts that’s what he truly believed. You’re not a bad person just because you want bad things to happen to bad people. That’s what she’d said on the way out of her interrogation.

That’s what he believed. He knew himself. He knew who he was.

And now he knew her.

But his feelings hadn’t changed.

—–

After Billie’s departure, Spencer took a few days off of work to truly come to terms with what he’d learned. Emily didn’t understand why he needed more time off, but she also hadn’t pried. Thankfully. He didn’t feel like explaining that she’d broken things off because then he would have to say why, and he wasn’t sure for all his skill that he could keep that secret from them.

And he wanted to keep her secret.

He couldn’t stomach the idea of him being the reason she got caught. Honestly, he couldn’t imagine that her being caught would be better for the world. She was killing people who hurt children – no one else – at least that’s the assumption he was under – so why did she need to be caught?

Hour after hour, day after day, he moved about his apartment in silence, trying to come to terms with how he was feeling. It didn’t feel wrong, but he knew that at one point in his life it would’ve felt wrong, and he wasn’t exactly sure how to reconcile with that fact.

Before he knew it, it was time to head back to work. He groaned getting out of bed that morning, his limbs feeling like cement. He told Emily he would be in a little late. There was something he needed to do before he headed into the office. He’d made all the decisions he needed to make. He’d turned them over and over again in his head to make sure they were the right ones. Unfortunately, Spencer still wasn’t totally convinced they were right overall (could you ever be sure?), but they were right for who he was and what he wanted in life right now.

It was a long shot to leave a message on her phone. In all likelihood, she had ditched it to be careful. He believed that Billie loved him, but trusting him with information like this was something else all together.

The quickening of his heartbeat nearly made him throw up, but he picked up the phone and started talking with no thought as to what he would say, figuring it would come to him when the pressure was on. “Hey, Billie. It’s me. Of course, it’s me. Who else would it be? Anyway, I know the likelihood of reaching you ever again is pretty slim, but-“ he felt the words catch in his throat. “I love you, Billie Noble. Your revelation hasn’t changed that. I thought it might, and I feel a bit guilty that it doesn’t, but it doesn’t. I don’t believe you would or have ever hurt anyone other than people you do. I want you in my life. I want to be with you. I’m going into work now, but I need you to know that I will never turn you in. I would rather die than take your freedom from you. If you get this message, I am going to be at that place on the beach you took me to – the one where your parents met. I pray I see you there. I can’t imagine never seeing your face again.”

He swallowed the lump in his throat and hung up, pulling himself toward his car. One down, one to go.


	14. Chapter 14

Even a year ago, this wasn’t something that had ever crossed his mind. He’d never imagined writing these words. He could never have pictured leaving the BAU, but it felt like the right decision right now. He couldn’t be the agent they needed anymore, and after everything he’d been through, that was okay.

What wasn’t okay was the look he was getting from Emily. He knew it was coming - that hollow sadness and disappointment, not in him but the reality of what their lives were now. It didn’t make it any easier though.

“Seriously?” She asked, her voice hopeful for an answer he wouldn’t give.

Nodding, he sat in the chair in front of her desk. “Yes. I never imagined I’d get to this point, and sometimes I feel weak because we’ve all been through so much and yet you’re still here, but I can’t…” Giving voice to the reality was difficult. “I can’t do it anymore. I can’t be everything I’m supposed to be. It’s been beaten from me.”

“I know,” she replied as she hung her head in her hands before combing her fingers through her hair. “It’s just…”

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“You’re questioning yourself, Emily. Don’t.” Despite everything that happened with Maia, Spencer didn’t blame Emily for doing her job. He was stuck between the hardest rock and the hardest place. “There is nothing you could’ve done. I don’t think there’s anything anyone could’ve done. It’s just…it’s like the beach. The things I’ve gone through have eroded at me to the point where I’m raw, and I need to step away for myself.”

Emily had tears in her eyes, but she sighed, resigned to the truth. She didn’t blame him. Honestly, she had been surprised that he’d come back after prison at all. He deserved a break. “Don’t be a stranger, okay?” She asked, her voice shaky.

“I won’t.” He got up from his chair and pulled her in for a hug, feeling her silently cry against his chest. Her sobs rolled through him. This wasn’t how he wanted to leave the BAU. He’d wanted that picture perfect ending – the one where he and the rest of his team decided to leave at the same time, going their separate ways but still keeping in touch because that’s what you did with your family, but life wasn’t always a storybook, and he needed to take the initiative in his own story – he needed a say in its ending.

—–

He knew the upcoming days were going to be filled with questions about why he was leaving and too many tears to count, but he needed to prepare, so he begged Emily to use her best poker face to keep the news from the rest of the team for a week or so.

On top of that, he wanted to figure everything out at once. And that all depended on Billie. If she had gotten his message. If she decided to show up. If she would allow him in instead of pushing him away. It all rested on her.

Two plans. One – she would let him in, and they could be together.

Two – she pushed him away, and he traveled the world for a while, finding himself again after everything he’d been through before returning home to do who the hell knew what.

He wanted one, was prepared for both, and it all depended on her.

That night at the beach, he closed his eyes against the slight salt breeze and remembered the night Billie had taken him here. Although it had been a fairly heavy night in terms of conversation, they’d gotten closer that night in a way they hadn’t before. He wouldn’t have traded that moment for anything.

He willed her there, praying to whoever might listen that she would show up. “You’re here.” He heard a soft voice from behind him that nearly got carried away with the breeze.

She was here.

“You are too.” A small smile was shared between them before he closed the space between them, her kiss breathing life into the decision he’d made. “You got my message.”

“We have a lot to talk about,” she said, pulling away. “I…I don’t know if you truly understand what I am.”

He knew. “You and your mother were a team.”

“Yes.” The moment she said that simple word, another weight lifted off her. There was someone other than her mother who knew exactly what she was and wasn’t looking at her any differently.

He dipped his head to kiss her again. “Tell me how it happened. How it started.”

“I don’t know…” She replied, slipping her hand through her hair.

Spencer gripped her hand and sat down on the sand, gathering her to him as she sat in his lap. “I meant what I said, I’d rather die than be the reason you go to prison. I won’t turn you in.”

“How can I be sure?”

“I guess you can’t, unless you trust me,” he responded truthfully. “Billie, my entire life all I’ve wanted to do was to help people. For the longest time, I knew what that was. I knew what helping people looked like. It was caring for my mother. It was showing up to work every day and cracking the code of human experience. My team is the best at what they do, but for every one person we save, we lose five, and eventually that reality wears on you. I’m worn.”

Billie tilted her head up and kissed his chin, a tear falling from the corner of her eye and onto his chest. “I know the feeling.”

“That’s why I knew you’d understand. Even before I met you, I could feel this change coming. I want to help people, but I can’t do what I’ve been doing anymore. If my part in all this is keeping your secret so that you can save children from having to go through what you’ve gone through, then so be it. You might be breaking the law, but I believe you’re saving more people than we ever could. You’re keeping innocence intact. You’re keeping minds from turning in on themselves wondering what they did to ‘lead someone on.’ You’re…” He trailed off, not truly able to put into words how he felt.

The law said she was wrong.

His heart said otherwise.

Maybe listening to his heart was a dangerous notion – but he was going to do it anyway.

“How did it happen?” He asked again.

Billie leaned against him, her heartbeat steady and focused as she recounted her story. “My mama tortured herself for what happened to me, but she kept it together because we had a trial. There was no way he was going to get away with it, but then he did, because my word wasn’t good enough. No physical evidence and the word of a child? He walked away. It was just the start. My Daddy felt the same way. That he’d let me down. He switched his specialty in the field so he could go after the kinds of people that hurt me, and then my mama lost him too. One pedophile took my innocence and another took my father’s life. It was just too much…”

Spencer gently massaged her scalp as she spoke. “I don’t blame her. To be honest,” he said, feeling the truth seep from him in a way it hadn’t before, “if it were my child, I think I would’ve delighted in killing him and slept like a baby in my prison cell.” He’d been there. He knew what it was like and had no desire to go back, but if someone touched his child? He’d gladly take a cot inside four walls.

“From what she’s told me, she started about six months after my daddy died. She mourned him and moved on – made a promise to herself that she was never going to let it happen again, not if she was aware enough to stop it.”

“But she let the justice system still do its job?” That was pretty remarkable considering it was that exact system that let her daughter’s molester fall through the cracks.

Nodding, Billie continued, shifting uncomfortably in his lap. He could sense in her voice that she’d never voiced this story aloud before. There was a different tone between stories newly spoken and stories told time and time again.

“Yea, she does believe in the system, but as it is, it has its flaws, so she saw herself as the way to fill in the cracks, even on a small scale,” Billie replied. “Anyway, she was great at keeping it from me. For a while. From 14 to 18, I had absolutely no idea, probably because she didn’t want me to. She wanted for me to have as normal of a childhood as I possibly could. I did in many ways. But I was isolated. One night, maybe three months after my 18th birthday, I got up with a stomachache. It was the middle of the night and I heard something from downstairs. She was cleaning a knife.”

“How did she react?” Spencer asked.

Billie remembered it and smiled. Maybe that made her sick in the head, but she felt she still had shreds of humanity inside, so she shut the doubt out. “She tried to talk around it. It was dark in the house, so she was trying to claim that she just couldn’t sleep and was washing dishes, but there was something about her – like pride – in the air around her, so I asked her if she hurt someone. She said yes and I asked who it was. When she said someone like Gruber, I asked if she was going to do it again and if she did, could I help. It would be like my sick therapy over Gruber not getting any justic. She tried for months to get me to let it go, but I wouldn’t drop it. I wanted to save at least one person from going through what I did. A couple months after that she sat me down and showed me the process she went through to pick her victims and said I could help if I stuck to a set of rules.”

For a few moments, she stopped talking, her mind far off in the distance with the waves. Of course he was curious, but he let her take everything in. This was an enormous part of her life she was sharing with him. – and from her position, a risk she was taking. “Anyway, the rules were simple. After each one, we had to talk it out. She told me she never took joy in the physical pain she was inflicting. It was purely about saving children from the fate I endured. She wanted to make sure I never got to the point where I “relished killing” like a serial killer, though technically I guess that’s what I’d be called.”

It would be. But that’s not how Spencer saw her. To him, she was a beautiful woman with a damaged heart and flawed soul that were in constant states of repair.

“Another rule was never going after people who got their justice through the system. That part was for my daddy…to honor what he did for a living. We only went after people who evaded justice.”

“Anything else?” He could sense some hesitation in her.

She bit her lip, a flash of anger crossing her eyes before she washed it away with the outgoing wave. “The last has always been the hardest to follow. Stay away from Gruber.”

Spencer’s breath caught in his throat. “I can imagine why that would be difficult, but it’s too much of a giveaway for you. The police would narrow in on his victims, not that I think you’re a victim, but-“

“No, I get it,” she replied, her hand gently patting his chest. “That’s what Mama said too. Anyway…now you know everything – every single thing that makes me, me. I get it if you want to turn away now. I won’t blame you. I’ve got contacts to get me out of the country, to an extradition-free one of course.”

He didn’t want to leave. “I’m staying,” he replied.

“Then there’s one more thing I need you to know,” she said, turning her head toward him. It was non-negotiable. “I don’t plan on stopping. To me, there are wolf and there are sheep. But it’s not about good and evil. It’s about teeth – some of us are willing and driven to use them.”


	15. Chapter 15

Never in Spencer’s life had he been so sure of a decision and yet so confused at the same time.

It was time for him to leave the BAU. He’d been through too much and lost pieces of himself along the way…and he didn’t exactly assume that Billie would stop what she was doing, but he was somewhat surprised by her answer anyway. “Even after your mother died to give you a normal life?” It wasn’t accusatory – just genuinely curious. Although they hadn’t spoken of it in much detail, it was obvious to both of them that Maia had taken the blame on herself so that Billie could chose her own path.

Billie felt the beaded sweat cool against her forehead with the breeze off the waves. “My life ceased to be normal a long time ago, Spencer. Before my Mama took her last breath, she said that I deserved to have the life that I choose not the one she chose for me. But this is what I choose. I need to do this. I haven’t known normal in nearly 30 years and honestly I don’t know if I’d know what to do with it now.”

At least that made sense. He was in a similar boat. Nothing was really clear about his post-BAU days, despite the fact that he needed to exist in them.

“You have that one thing you’re good at right?” She asked.

Spencer nodded. He did – for many years. “Helping people.”

“Well, I do too…just, in a different way. It’s what I’m good at. I’ve been doing this for a long time and I know and can see the difference I make.” Despite her tired state, she was becoming more and more confident with each word. “I have to keep doing this. Again, I understand if you can’t sit by and watch, but that means we need to walk away from each other now.”

Tilting her head up, he slide his fingers through her thick brown hair and pressed his lips to her forehead. “I’m not going anywhere.”

—–

Now that he knew what he was doing, Spencer felt as ready as he ever would to bring up his resignation to his teammates.

Ready was a loaded word.

He was never going to be truly ready.

But sometimes getting out was harder than getting in.

Spencer had to take that step to get out to feel okay in his skin again.

At the conference table, Emily called everyone’s attention and then gave Spencer a side glance. This was his opportunity. “Okay, umm…” He swallowed hard and felt his hands start to get clammy. “I have something I need to say and it’s going to be really hard for me so just let me get it out. I’m resigning.” It was rushed, but he had to get it out somehow.

He huffed in relief as soon as the words left his mouth, but he didn’t want to look up. If he did, he’d have to see the same look Emily had given him days earlier.

Slowly but surely, he did it anyway. He needed to get it over with.

“I understand, kid,” Rossi replied, placing his hand on the younger agent’s shoulder. Something about Rossi’s reaction made Spencer hate himself for the decision. Rossi had been doing this at least twice as long as he had and he was still here, so why was he so weak? Why did he feel the need to leave this all behind when there were so many that had been doing it even longer? But he wasn’t Rossi.

He was Spencer Reid and he’d been through hell and back a million times. This was necessary for him. It might take time for him to come to peace with that, but that was okay too.

Garcia was full out sobbing, but he could see in her eyes that she didn’t blame him. “I’m…I’m gonna miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too,” he replied, holding his arm out to gather her in for a hug. “But I’ll still be around. It’s getting to be too much. Believe me, this hasn’t been an easy decision, but I just need to stop this. For me.”

Tara gave him a tight-lipped smile. “I get that. I’ve almost called it quits a few times myself, and I question every day whether I should.” Her honesty made him feel better and took the rest of the team by surprise. The thing was, she was only voicing aloud what the rest of them were afraid to say. Working for the BAU took pieces of its agents over the years; they were all missing pieces – some more than others. It just so happened that Spencer realized he couldn’t survive missing any more pieces before the rest of his friends. In a weird way, he finally made sense of what made Gideon leave over a decade ago, though he still wished he’d left on better terms. And now he truly knew in his heart why Morgan had decided to leave and Hotch decided not to come back. It was just too much.

Thankfully, Emily looked like she had made piece with the information over the course of the past few days and only made him promise to keep in touch. That’s when Garcia chimed in. “Because if you don’t, you know I know how to find you.”

Snickering, he kissed her forehead as he made his way over to Luke, who gave him a hug – no words were necessary. Luke knew how difficult it was; his own life had changed drastically since he joined the BAU.

It was JJ’s reaction he’d been worried about most. “Tell me not to worry.”

“Don’t worry,” he replied as he went in for a hug. “This is going to be good for me.”

“Okay.” The tears in her eyes absorbed into his shirt and she clung onto him tighter. He was her kid brother. The idea of him leaving and not being there for her to protect made her uneasy, but he needed to do this and as hard as it was she understood.

As he’d assumed, Matt was fairly curt in his reply. He still didn’t trust Billie and by association, his faith in Spencer had wavered as well. “I hope you’ve made the right decision for yourself.”

“I have.” She was at home waiting for him. They had plans to make. Within a few weeks, he’d leave the BAU, which meant there was nothing tying them to this place anymore. They could go anywhere.


	16. Chapter 16

The couple of weeks between Spencer handing in his resignation and actually resigning were weird to say the least. He wanted to make the transition as easy as he could for both himself and the people he loved, but something about resigning made the way he spoke change. He had a carefreeness about him that didn’t fit with the cases he was still helping to solve, and the team couldn’t help but notice. So when it was finally time to walk out of the bullpen with a box in hand, a few pictures and knick-knacks all he physically had to show for nearly 15 years with the BAU, he felt free.

His friends were still there – still here, still alive and around for him to see whenever he pleased – and he no longer had to watch justice be so rigid in its existence. He could feel himself changing, and for better or for worse, it felt good.

“Okay, but seriously,” Garcia said, shaking her finger in Spencer’s direction. “You text me at least three times a week and you come and visit me whenever you can and remember I love you, okay? Just because you’re not here anymore doesn’t mean anything changes.”

Spencer placed the box down and wrapped his arms around Garcia, taking deep cleansing breaths as he gave everyone hugs goodbye – or goodbye for now.

Now it was time to change directions. He’d been in need of a new path for a while.

\---

“Hey,” Billie said softly as he walked in the door to his apartment. In the previous two weeks, she’d moved her things into his place, her own being a bit small. “How do you feel?”

This was momentous for him – for both of them – and they’d discussed needing to remain sometimes uncomfortably open for their relationship to work well. “A bit weird, but also lighter. You?”

“Kind of the same. For the longest time, my Mama was the only one who knew exactly who I was and loved me regardless, it feels a bit weird to look at you and know you see me the same way. But it feels good.”

After placing the box on the floor, he hugged the woman he loved. “So…what do we do now?”

“I don’t know…” She said hesitatingly. “As I said, I do plan on continuing what I was doing, at least for the foreseeable future, but I think we need to decide where we are going to be for a while. I can’t continue for a long time this close to the BAU for obvious reasons, but I also don’t want to push you into traveling around the country right now since this is such a big change for you.”

He definitely wasn’t ready to leave the area just yet. “Well, how often were you doing this before?”

“About five a month,” she replied honestly. The list of scumbags never ended – it only got longer. “I was thinking that if you wanted to stay around here for a while, I could go down to one a month. Random towns within say a 50-mile radius. That would probably be inconspicuous enough. I’m very careful.”

Spencer swallowed hard at the sheer honesty. He still believed in what she was doing, but this was the first time she’d spoken so frankly about it to him. “Considering how long you were doing this, I have no doubt about that,” he said with an unassuming smile. “I feel like that would work for now. Because I’m still not ready to leave the area. Not for an extended period of time. I also…”

“What?” She asked.

“I also think I’d always want to come back home.” He hoped she didn’t have plans of leaving here one day and never returning.

Wrapping her arms around his waist, Billie tilted her head up and kissed his chin. “I know I will. Daddy and Mama are buried here. So is your mom. We’d always come home.”

“Good,” he said, relieved. “Also, I know I said I understand you will continue doing this – and I still do – I’d like to not know the ins and outs for now? This is still taking a lot of getting used to.”

“I’d be a little concerned if it didn’t take some getting used to,” she laughed loudly. “It did for me. For a solid year or so after I first started with Mama, I had a lot of issues about what we were doing. That maybe I was just sick in the head. That I was a bad person because of it. That I had the choice to move past what happened to me and not let it affect me this much, but I chose differently. But…Mama convinced me. I’m not a bad person. I had a bad thing happen to me. I do have some issues, but I’m not some asshole that revels in blood and gore. It’s very systematic for me. And most importantly, we only went after those who failed to get their justice through the system, so we were basically karma incarnate.”

Spencer nodded in understanding, but considering how long he’d been in law enforcement, it was going to take more than a conversation or two to let it penetrate his mind. “That makes sense, so what do we do now?”

“I keep what I’m doing completely away from you unless you ask and as for right now, right now, how about we relax. Movies and popcorn? Because I think after 30-something years of pain a piece, we deserve to chill for a little bit,” Billie replied.

He smiled wide and took that thought in. They literally didn’t have to do anything right now. Sure, he’d have to find some kind of work eventually to help sustain them, but he could relax. “Have you seen Doctor Who? Can we watch Doctor Who?”

“Have a seen Doctor Who?” She asked facetiously. “Is Tom Baker the best Doctor to date?”

“I love you.”

His mind had been a jumble of thoughts for over a year, but now, as he slid into the kitchen and popped some super buttery popcorn while Billie slipped a DVD into the player, he was calm. There was going to be an adjustment period, but she loved him and he loved her, and right now that seemed like enough.


	17. Chapter 17

After almost 15 years of staring the worst of humanity in the face, Spencer decided he was entitled to a few weeks off…maybe a couple of months. His mornings consisted of waking up at Billie’s side, ghosting his hands over the soft planes of her skin, before slinking out of bed and grabbing his first of four daily cups of coffee – old habits died hard apparently.

About halfway through his first cup, Billie would finally get up out of bed. She’d actually take the bed with her, channeling a burrito with her hair an absolute mess and a sleepy smile on her face. “Coffee?”

“Duh.” It was the same response every time.

With her coffee, she’d sit down to do some of the freelance work she had – and not the kind she’d been asked to keep away from him for a while – the kind that paid the rent. She claimed it was boring, but it paid the bills and allowed her to do what she felt she was good at.

While she worked, he’d watch TV, zoning out on some new show on Netflix. He’d never had the chance to do things like this before because work had always taken up too much of his time for him to get into anything else. Billie would chime in occasionally, having seen quite a few of the shows before.

Though he didn’t want to tell her as much, because he still wasn’t ready to hear the ins and outs of what she did, Spencer couldn’t help but wonder how she chose the people she did. Maybe there wasn’t actually anything to it. After all, she said she didn’t enjoy killing, it was just something she felt she had to do. And she had a fairly strict set of rules set out for herself.

He tried not to dwell on it too much. If he did, his mind would start spiraling, and he was supposed to be giving himself a break from that at the moment.

Instead, he focused on himself, and himself and Billie together. They took joy in each other’s company and he made sure he took care of himself. While taking care of others, his own health tended to fall by the wayside. He developed a hair and shave routine – something he’d never had in his life. He ate well. He and Billie even went for walks in the afternoon.

It was all disgustingly, amazingly normal. Save for the fact that his girlfriend was actually a molester-killing vigilante in the late hours of the night of course.

With a few weeks of normalcy under his belt, he decided to head in to see his friends. “I think I want to head into the Bureau today.”

“Miss your friends?” She asked with a smile, placing her coffee on the table beside her.

He nodded a little sadly, his eyes downcast. “Yea. This has been great and was absolutely the right decision for me, but you can’t help but miss people that you spent every day with for more than 10 years.”

Billie understood all too well. She missed her mother every day. That was somewhat different, but she understood all the same. She was just grateful that Spencer had the opportunity to go visit the people he missed – all she had was a headstone. “You said that Emily brought you donuts when she came back to the team. Maybe you should go get some. And get a few extra chocolate ones with rainbow sprinkles to eat yourself on the way.”

“I think I might do that.” Despite what had happened, with Emily being the one to take Maia’s life, Billie was able to say Emily’s name without any anger. Bending down, he pursed his lips against hers. “I love you, you know.”

“I love you too. Have fun today, okay?”

“I will.”

After a quick shower and his second cup of coffee, he headed out, grabbing two-dozen donuts – probably too much – and two extras for himself. He’d been eating well lately…this was fine.

—–

When Spencer left the apartment to visit his friends, Billie grabbed her encrypted laptop. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a glint on the dresser. It was her bracelet. She slipped it on and felt a calm wash over her. This was what she was meant to be doing. No matter how unconventional it was, she was doing good for people. She was convinced of it. Maybe having Spencer understand, at least in some capacity, cemented her beliefs even more.

For a while now, she’d had her eye on a particular man as her next mark. His name was Nathan Prince. He was the epitome of everything that was wrong with the system. The chief executive officer of a biopharmaceutical company smack dab in the middle of DC. He proved that with money anything was possible. He’d already escaped justice because of his money and connections before – numerous times as a matter of fact - but those were on drug charges. Apparently, he was mixing coke in with his medical endeavors, but since he was acquitted he’d stepped away from that – his dealers, the Columbians. They were not happy. It was something she would use to her advantage.

Because now the fucker had evaded justice yet again. Three girls, young schoolmates of his 10-year-old daughter, had the fucking cajones to come forward and accuse him of raping them. Due to their age, their accusations didn’t get dismissed out of hand and it ended up going to trial, but after the jury had been selected, they were paid off. Everyone knew it but no one could prove it.

He was found not guilty.

Those girls were not lying.

She’d seen her eyes reflected in their own.

And now Nathan Prince was going to pay.

Cartels had particularly brutal methods of killing, but she didn’t have the stomach for those. However, their tried and true method was straight-up execution with a bullet to the back of the head. And they wanted him gone anyway because he’d reneged on a shipment after being acquitted.

The cartels would be blamed, but they’d never be touched, because they never were – that was something else all together – and the world would be rid of Nathan Prince. It was a win-win for her.

—–

Later that day, when Spencer came home, he found Billie deep in thought, her eyes fixed on the computer in front of her. By the looks of it, it was her encrypted laptop. “Hi,” he said softly.

She popped her head up and smiled. “Hey babe. Have a good day?”

“Yea, I did. You…working?”

She nodded and closed the laptop. “Yea. I won’t go into detail.”

“When are you…?”

“A couple days. You’ll be asleep okay?”

Despite being slightly uncomfortable with details still, his insatiable curiosity demanded he know who it was. “Who is it?” He asked quietly.

Opening the laptop, she showed Spencer an article of his recent acquittal. Spencer quivered as he read over the article. “Disgusting.”

“Yea. In two days, and I’m going to leave my regular phone here.”

“As an alibi,” Spencer stated. She really did think of everything.

Okay that was enough of that for now. “Alright, I think I know enough for now. You want to go out and grab a bite to eat?”

“That sounds awesome. Thai food?”

“Mmmm…chicken pad Thai,” he mumbled. “Yes, please.”

With a kiss, he slipped his hand in Billie’s and pulled her out the door, locking it behind her. It might take a little longer to get used to this, but knowing of her mark – Nathan Prince – he just…didn’t feel bad. How could he?


	18. Chapter 18

The next two days passed by the same way they had been recently. With the agreement not to go into detail about what she was doing, Billie was just there…as his girlfriend. 

Since he’d spent nearly the whole day the other day with his teammates, he and Billie decided to just laze around like any other day, doing random freelance work, watching tv, eating take out and reveling in each other’s skin. “Aren’t you going to get changed?” He asked, yawning sleepily.

Billie arched into him and kissed him, tugging on his bottom lip just slightly. “Can’t. I have my thing to do tonight. Remember?”

It had actually slipped his mind. “Oh yea. I did forget about that.” His heart started racing. “When do you think you’ll be back?”

“Couple hours. Three at most. Don’t worry, okay?”

Spencer shook his head and smiled softly. “I’m not worried about you.”

“You worried about him?” She asked incredulously. 

“Not at all. He made his bed.” Spencer was taken aback by how quickly the thought had left his mouth and how true they felt deep down in his bones.

His mind was racing with all sorts of thoughts and he wasn’t quite ready to go to sleep just yet. “Maybe I’ll read or something. You said you’re going to leave your phone here?”

Nodding, Billie gave him a peck on the lips and slipped into the bathroom. “What? Do you need to put on a special outfit or something?”

She snorted on the other side. No just going to the bathroom. “I’ve found it best over the years to look as inconspicuous as possible, which means no long black trench coat. I’ll be getting changed in a minute.”

Spencer strode over to the bookshelf and grabbed the first Harry Potter book. He’d read them 100 times already, 103 to be exact, but they never got old. When he met Billie in the bedroom, she was slipping on a business suit. He laughed to himself. She was dressing for the mark. If anyone saw her with Nathan Prince, no one would bat an eye. Of course, she had her bracelet on her, but it didn’t mean anything to anyone but the two of them.

“How do I look?”

“Beautiful.”

She really did. “I’ll be back. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Spencer replied. Billie started walking toward the door. “Your phone, remember?”

Reaching into her pocket, she tossed the phone on the bed. “I’ll be back. If you get tired, don’t wait up.”

He wouldn’t. If he got tired, he’d go to sleep. But something told him he wasn’t going to be able to sleep tonight. Not knowing where she was. Who she was with. What she was doing. And praying this wasn’t the time she got caught. 

——

Looking down at her watch, she noted the time and set the alarm. She was hoping to be in and out in under two hours. It was always the quicker the better, without mistaking speed for accuracy of course. 

Nathan was a creature of habit. He’d have left his office already and coming into the garage in three…two…one…

Ding.

Right on time.

Since she’d picked him as her mark, Billie had been trying to figure out the best way to approach him. She could pose as a dealer, but that probably would’ve been suspicious after stepping away from the Columbians so soon. Then she’d thought of using the tried and true damsel in distress routine. There was also the prostitute routine, which she obviously never went through with before and of course wouldn’t now with Spencer in the picture. That’s when she settled on just going for what Nathan Prince liked most - other than underage girls. Money.

“Mr. Prince,” she said softly, extending her hand, the angel wings from her bracelet glinting in her eyes. He didn’t hesitate to take it. “I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for weeks. You’re a hard man to get to.”

His smile made her insides boil. “I’m a busy man Ms…”

“Ms. Julia Lilith. I’m working on behalf of Prima Holdings.”

“Really?” He said, raising an eyebrow. he seemed genuinely surprised. “The Prima Holdings I’m trying to buy Prima Holdings?”

“That’s the one. I’m the broker for the deal. Now I realize it’s late at night, but Prima is very willing to hear your demands and if you’d like to tell me now. Quickly. I can bring it back to them and we can get the ball rolling? That sound okay?”

Mr. Prince played right into her hands. “Sure. I would like to get home and sleep, so-”

“No beating around the bush, Sir. I’m not one for bullshit.”

“Good. Me either.”

As she pointed him in the direction of “her car,” she let him take the lead. It would take her past some security cameras but none would see her face and she’d be frying the ones in her area of the building as soon as she got him where she needed him. “It sure is quiet in here,” he said, turning around to feel his jaw clash with her fist.

And now to fry the cameras.

——

“What the-”

He shook his head of the fog and looked up. She was going to make this quick and simple. “Who are you?”

“No need for you to know. What you need to know is this. I’m here because of Alana Bomer, Charlie Kipling and Kathy Wagner. Friends of your daughter - the ones you molested.”

“I-I was acquitted. I never did anything.”

“Bullshit. I saw it in their eyes. And I see it in you. You’re disgusting.”

“Look, look I’ll give you whatever you want to just leave and never come back.”

“I’m not motivated by money. I’m just here to make sure you never touch another little girl again.”

“Please,” he spoke, his voice quivering.

There was always that little bit of lingering doubt, but he would offend again. That’s what they did. “I don’t bargain, Mr. Prince.”

The pictures of the three girls were going to be the last things he saw before the blindfold was fastened tightly. The Cartel did it the same way; she wanted it right down to the last detail. “Please. I’ll give you anything. Absolutely anything. I won’t do anything like that ever again. I swear. Just let me go.” 

She’d even obtained the confession she didn’t need. “Goodbye, Mr. Prince.”

Nothing was left behind accept him and a pool of blood. The coppery smell filled her nostrils as she walked out and toward the car, the beeping of her watch a small sign of a job well done.

——

After ditching the gun, Billie headed back home. In the morning, Nathan Prince’s body would be found in the parking garage, victim to a cartel hit. But she would know the truth. She would carry it to her grave. “Hey,” Spencer said sleepily as she walked into the bedroom and slipped into bed. “You okay?”

“I’m good. All done.”

“Did you get rid of the gun?”

“Yes. Do you really wanna know about all this stuff? Or is this sleepy, tired talk? If you want to know, maybe we should talk in the morning.”

Spencer had been thinking about it since she’d left, barely been able to read anything. “Yea, that’s true.” But he still wasn’t sure whether or not he wanted to know. “I’ll think it over in the morning.”

“Sounds good. Love you, Spence.”

“I love you too. I’m glad you’re home.”

“I told you I would be,” Billie replied, a smile crawling onto her face. “I always will.”

“You better.”


	19. Chapter 19

It was a surreal feeling seeing Nathan Prince on the news the next morning. Spencer’s skin ran warm to the touch, quickly pricked by chills soon after. The knowledge that he would never harm another little girl made him feel lighter, but that lightness made him wonder if he was truly the decent human being he’d always believed himself to be. It was constant as of late.

Deep down in his bones he knew who he was.

But on the surface he knew those around him would believe otherwise and he still wasn’t sure how to reconcile that.

Lumbering out of the bedroom in her usual blanket burrito, Billie stopped in her tracks when she saw Spencer’s eyes glued to the TV. “You okay?”

“Yea, just…questioning myself again.”

Billie nodded in acknowledgement and came up behind him, wrapping his now chilled skin in her warmth. “You get used to it. I know how hard it can be to reconcile one’s actions with rules, but there are some rules that shouldn’t exist. Defying those rules doesn’t make you a bad person. It doesn’t make me one, right?”

Knowing how he felt about her would hopefully allow Spencer to eventually come to terms with himself. “No of course not. The world is better off without that blight on humanity. It’s just…it’s going to take a while. Thirty plus years of believing that rules were always meant to be followed is a hard thing to break.”

“I know,” she replied, pressing a kiss to his lips and taking his doubt away. “It’ll take time.”

Instantly, Nathan Prince’s death by cartel execution was believed. Just as Billie had hoped, civilians and law enforcement alike bought into the picture she’d painted. Prince had crossed the wrong people and paid the price.

—–

After going through all she had, there were very few things that Billie wanted in life. At this point, she wanted Spencer and she wanted to continue ridding the world of scum that preyed on the vulnerable.

But Spencer needed time to adjust to everything, which meant staying in one place for much longer than she’d ever been comfortable with before. Little by little, he came to terms with what she did. He hadn’t asked for additional information after each job, but he’d ask if she was successful, how she’d felt, if she had another mark in mind, and each time the questions came more easily to him.

If having Spencer by her side meant slowing down to not raise suspicion, then she would do it, but after a few months she was starting to get uncomfortable. The BAU knew their shit and it wouldn’t be long before they’d start to put things together – at least that’s what she felt deep down in her bones.

“Spence?”

He turned around, a smile on his face as he’d finished reading the page of the book he was indulging in. “Yea?”

“How do you feel about moving around? Like leaving DC for a while?”

He threw her off when he chuckled. “What? Do you feel like the walls are closing in?”

“Kind of,” she replied. “I’ve purposely been picking very diverse marks but your former team is damn good and I don’t want to get caught. For either of our sakes.”

Since he’d left the Bureau, her side of things became increasingly more sensible to him. And he’d been progressively more intrigued with her whole process. “I think I’d be comfortable enough to move around now.”

“Where do you want to go?”

“I’ve always wanted to see Seattle. Like really see it, not just pass through because of work,” Spencer replied. She was giving him agency without pulling him into things. “Would you…would you start letting me in on your process?”

Her heart raced. Having him involved had never been a dream or a nightmare for her, just so long as he kept himself – the man she fell in love with – deep down inside. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” He got up from the couch and strode across the room. “I’ve been wondering for weeks now. Again, I’m not sure how much more I’ll be involved in things if at all, but the curiosity is driving me crazy.”

They were open with each other. She knew all of his doubts and fears, but he didn’t necessarily voice them all. He worked through a lot in his mind and he’d come to the conclusion that he was a good person breaking bad as perceived by the eyes of a flawed society. There was good and bad in all of humanity; it was about who he was in his core and at his core he was good.

Billie snickered and wrapped her arms around him. She had figured there would be more a discussion about this but was glad there wasn’t. “Okay, so we’ll go to Seattle first. And we’ll come back her whenever you need.”

“Thank you,” he said softly. “Now to tell my friends that I’ll be leaving for a while.”

“That should be fun,” Billie responded. Despite his time away from the Bureau, Spencer was still very close with his friends.

“What should I tell them?”

It’s what she’d told everyone when they asked about her nomadic lifestyle. “I’d just say that moving around is how I’ve always lived. I’m used to it. I miss it. And now I want to explore the world with you.”

Smiling, Spencer dipped his head down and nibbled gently on her neck. He was looking forward to finding himself with her, away from what he’d known his entire life. It was time to embrace who he was. A flawed human being with the best of intentions.


	20. Chapter 20

Telling his friends that he was leaving the area for a while was one of the hardest things he’d ever done. Besides surviving prison. That had been a might bit harder. Okay, a lot harder. He hadn’t wanted to tell his friends, see the looks and the doubt in their eyes, but once he had it was like this enormous weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

There was nothing tethering him here anymore. He was free to do and be whatever he wanted. “Are you ready to go?” Spencer asked as he looked out onto the street. There were people moving around, unaware that he and Billie were going on a road trip with no definitive destination. The sun was shining and there was a perfect chill in the air.

“Yea, I think I am,” Billie replied. For a while she’d needed this, but she needed Spencer too, so she’d waited for him.

Leaning up against his arm, she smiled. Whenever they planned on returning, they’d either visit with a friend or more permanently find another apartment. Their place went up for rent and given the location it was quickly bought and paid for. All the things they couldn’t pack into the car were in a storage container downtown. “Seattle here we come?”

Hand in hand, Spencer danced her toward the driver’s seat; she’d be driving for the first leg of their trip. It was time. As she pulled away from the curb, Spencer lost himself in his thoughts. Years and years of his life had been spent in this place and they’d shaped him into the man he was today – for better or for worse.

Behind him stood the foundation of his existence and before him was a new day, a long road, and endless possibilities for the two of them. She was going to start telling him about her process, but the pavement under their wheels was lulling him to sleep and he didn’t want to fight it. This whole process had been more emotional than he wanted to admit; there was no rush. They had nothing but time.

—–

Driving cross-country could take less than a week if they were rushing, but they didn’t need to, so every day they’d take turns driving for a little while and then they’d stop and take in the sights around them. Sometimes that was a cool, niche museum and other times it was miles and miles of cornfields to the point of insanity, but they enjoyed it either way.

For a few days, they just acted like a couple and reveled in each other’s company but after about five days they came across a small diner. It had been about 8 hours since they’d eaten so anything should’ve smelled delicious, but behind the slightly greasy scent of diner hash browns both of them detected something acrid. Something was off and they felt it, but neither could pinpoint what exactly it was. What it did do was spark Spencer’s curiosity again.

After paying their bill, Spencer decided to take the wheel but once they got in the car he found himself frozen with interest. “I know we’ve been having a nice relaxing road trip so far, and if you don’t want to talk about it right now that’s fine. But…you were going to tell me about your process and something about this town is making me want to ask now.”

“There’s something not right here. I have a bad feeling about the man across the restaurant. He was on the phone with what I’m assuming was an ex-wife. He mentioned “the boys” and how it was an inconvenient time to have them at his place. It’s not a lot to go on, but I feel the need to do some research,” Billie replied.

Spencer had kind of had that feeling too, but he didn’t mention it because he’d assumed it was just his mind seeing things where they weren’t. After so much time with the Bureau, maybe he just saw evil around every corner? “That makes sense to me. I would if I were you.”

Billie smiled softly at Spencer’s confession. It didn’t matter what anyone said. Whether laws were broken or not, she had a good man by her side. She never wanted anyone else.

“That’s how I start my process,” she said softly. “If I have a bad feeling I look into it. Sometimes, I take a look and it doesn’t pan out. But other times I find the skeletons in the closet and if that’s the case then I study their routine for a couple days. I try and figure out where they would be at their most vulnerable so I can take action. And that ‘action’ tends to be in whatever way would go most under the radar.”

It all made sense. It’s how Billie and Maia had been able to get away with what they did for so long. “Are you definitely going to look into him?”

“My instinct tells me to.”

Good. He didn’t want to leave this town without having at least some indication that he was overreacting. Because if he wasn’t, then that meant they’d leave countless kids to a fate he wouldn’t wish on anyone. “He’s still inside. Should we follow him?” Spencer asked as his heart began to race. “I don’t know how to do this. I don’t even know what I’m doing? Am I doing anything?”

“Take a breather,” she replied, leaning over to kiss his cheek. “I’m going to go inside and get his info. I’ll be right back.”

“How are you going to do that?”

“Pickpocket.”

It took her less than 10 minutes to grab his wallet, take pictures of everything inside and return it to his pocket. “All done. Now I have information that I can use for my search and yes, I do tend to follow. At a distance though,” she clarified.

That much was obvious to him. It seemed that criminals and law enforcement were actually more alike than they wanted to admit.

Maybe it was all a matter of perspective.

—–

For the next few days, Spencer and Billie stayed at a nearby hotel, following him at a distance to see what his routine was.

His name was Cole Harris. Twenty-nine years old, father to two boys, ages 6 and 2. Divorced from their mother.

She filed for divorce on the grounds of abuse. He had a restraining order against him by an ex. Two strikes. Though not the ones she needed to justify her usual course of action. As Billie dug deeper though, she found enough to warrant their continued tailing of him. “When he was 19, he had a statutory charge against him. With a 15 year old. Police report says he claims the girl told him she was 18.”

“Probably bullshit,” Spencer replied with a sneer.

Undoubtedly.

“That wasn’t his only complaint was it?” He could hear the hesitation in her voice.

Billie shook her head, feeling the bile rise in her throat. “No. Two years later. At 21, another statutory charge. Girl was 13. He claimed the same. The only reason neither of the charges went through were because both of the girls were ‘troubled children’ and he had a decent reputation in the community. Went on the record but never went anywhere.”

The thought made him sick. As if troubled kids didn’t deserve the same protections as everyone else. “He gets older, the girls get younger,” he said. He bit his tongue so hard he swore he tasted blood. As he cleared his throat, he saw Mr. Harris leaving his home with his two boys in tow. “Should we follow?”

“Yes.” Spencer gave it a few seconds before he pulled into the road behind Harris. It was only a few minutes later that they stopped at the local library.

Without a word, Spencer parked the car and came around to Billie’s side, grabbing her hand and guiding her inside. She didn’t fight him and that meant his feelings about this were right on point because she felt it too.

Gliding into one of the aisles, they both watched him. “He’s at the computer now. It looks like a chat room.” They were far enough away to not raise suspicion, but Spencer had pretty decent eyesight. “After he leaves, should we check it out?”

Billie nodded silently and then they waited. About 15 minutes later, Harris’ eldest came back with a few books. The youngest had been by his side the entire time. The thought of him doing what they assumed he was doing as his son sat nearby made Spencer’s blood boil. “I’ll go check it out,” she said. “Stay here and then we can go back to his place.”

The computer’s history had been cleared. Indication number one. Thankfully, she’d picked up a few tricks over the years, teaching herself what was necessary to find the information she needed. Minutes later, Spencer came to sit at her side. “He was in a chat room. He was only talking to one person, but it reeks of a little girl. He was asking about her hair color and her eyes. What her relationship was like with her parents. He said he could help her get away. Spence, we’ve stumbled onto something. I’m sure of it.”

“Are we going to…?” He trailed off.

“I have to do a little more research into him. I’m going to hack into this computer remotely from my laptop so I can do a deeper search, but I can’t leave this.”

Hearing her say as much allowed him to take a deep breath again. He hadn’t even realized he’d been holding it. “I don’t know how much more I’m going to be able to help right now. I just…not yet.”

“Spence, that’s okay. Believe me I don’t expect anything. This is all up to you. But from here, I have to do something.”

“Good, because I want you to.”


	21. Chapter 21

The wings on the bracelet hung snugly against her skin as she slipped into the driver’s side of the car. “So what happened?” Spencer asked. This had been an impromptu stop on the road and now they were on their way out much sooner than he’d imagined.

Her mother’s rules rang through her head. Let the justice system handle what they can. “Well, I got there and was trying to figure out how I was going to go about things when the cops came.”

“What?” Spencer was incredulous. “For what? Did something happen with his own kids?” His voice rose as he spoke, hoping that they hadn’t been too late.

They had been in a sense, but Billie couldn’t feel bad about that. She took care of what she could. If she took on the guilt on getting there “too late” to save children from her fate then she’d implode. “No, I was able to sneak to the side of the house to hear what was going down. Apparently, the chat room he was in? The ‘girl’ on the other side was a cop.”

Spencer sat back in his seat trying to figure out how he felt about that news. On the one hand, that meant she had one less person to kill, but knowing what he knew of law enforcement told him they’d be back here, soon, and with a victim to show for it. “But with his track record of not getting charged and his ties to the community he’s probably going to only get a fine or probation.”

“I know,” Billie sighed as she merged onto the highway. “But doing it any other way has me running the risk of getting caught and then I can’t do anything for anyone.”

Closing his eyes, Spencer banged his head into the headrest behind him. “This sucks.”

“Now you have a glimpse into my struggle,” she said. It was lighthearted at first but then her mood turned sour. “More than anything I wish I could just stop people before they do things like this, but I can’t. If I do then that means I’ve lost my humanity.”

He couldn’t really imagine that that would be possible. Despite, or maybe because of what she did, all he saw was good. She allowed for people to feel safe again. “How so? You would be saving the victims from ever suffering to begin with.”

“True. But then I would be judge, jury and executioner and with my background I think serving as all three would have some kind of bias to it.”

Billie was remarkably under control for someone with her past and her skills set. “I guess so, yea. I just…feel like we’re going to be back in this town and someone is going to have suffered.”

“I think so too.” She was rarely wrong.

—–

Hours later, they stopped again for some food and a break from driving. Although fun, long road trips could be exhausting. “Food smells good,” he said. It didn’t feel like the last town, but maybe that was because he was trying to focus on some good and not the fact that there was undoubtedly a child molester in need of their last breath in nearly every town in America. “It feels better than last time.”

The corner of her mouth twitched. Not for her. It didn’t really feel better for her. It never did.

“Do you always feel it?” He asked. Even from the corner of his eye, he could see the micro-expression.

As they walked inside and asked for a table, Billie put on her best smile for those around them. “The feeling that something is going to happen? Yea. My muscles are constantly heavy. There’s a foul scent in my nose. But I have to be careful not to give in to it all the time. And if we’re together, then you have to watch out too.”

“I know,” he replied. “I’ve always felt the same way. Though obviously from a different perspective.”

Reaching across the table, she placed her hand on top of his. “It’s you and me now. There is good in the world. I know it. We just have to promise to remind each other.”

He lifted her hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to the back of it. “Always.”

—–

Seattle was more beautiful than he’d ever imagined. Seeing it through the lens of a vacation and not a case did wonders for his experience. During cases, he’d have to run off the tarmac and into a police car toward the station. Between cement and brick buildings, he’d see the occasional tree and happy people with their umbrellas held high, considering it rained in Seattle constantly, but other than that he’d never had the chance to take in its beauty.

“This is beautiful,” he said, his voice brimming with exuberance. After finding a very short lease in a less than perfect neighborhood, they decided to take a weekend out to the mountains. Part of Billie retaining her humanity meant taking the time the breathe – just be a person – in this case, a girlfriend with a boyfriend that was probably too good for her. “It really is. I’ve been here before, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more beautiful sunset.”

“Never? In all your years and all your travels?” As the sun continued to hide behind the mountain peak, he slipped his hands around her waist. He couldn’t pull her close enough.

Before them, waves of green trees stood tall against the backdrop of snowcapped mountains. Despite the chill just miles away from them, it was warm where they sat. It could’ve been the weather. It could’ve been the fact that she was snuggled here in Spencer’s arms, but either way it was perfect. Behind the mountains, the sky was turning various shades of pink and purple, and the blue was fading into darkness. “No, but I could be biased. It’s probably because I’m sitting here with you.”

“Aww, you’re such a sap,” he laughed. But he was blushing; he loved her sappiness. “We should probably go though. It’s getting late and we still need to get back to our crappy apartment.”

“It’s amazing,” Billie replied.

Spencer couldn’t help but laugh. “Okay, now I know it’s because you’re biased.”

—–

It didn’t take long after their return to find someone a couple towns away who needed some justice reaped in their name. Three teenagers from a high school in Olympia brought charges against their principal, but of course he was “the pillar of the community” and they were “troubled girls.” Plus, he had a familial connection with the local senator. Long story short, he got away with it. He bought his way out of the system and she was planning on bringing him right back in. Righteous prick.

After casing the principal’s house, determining that he had no security and finding out his wife had very steady (i.e. very predictable) schedule, Billie was able to engineer a run-in with the principal’s own teenage daughter. Actually, it was more like a drive-by – overhearing a conversation between the girl and her best friend regarding what she was supposed to do about her father. “He came into my room,” she whispered. “He put his hand under my shirt. He was touching my stomach. I didn’t want to believe the other girls, but…Lena what do I do?”

“You have to say something!” Her friend hissed.

That had been enough for Billie.

“You ready?” He asked as he handed her the gun she planned on using. She had a range of different guns and always switched around, even if she’d used a knife or something else in between. Shifting guns made the trail harder to trace. She nodded. This was a case like any other. “You wanna give me your phone to take with me?”

Spencer was heading up a town for the night so that “they” could have an alibi.

“Yes, please. Thank you again. I’ll call you as soon as I’m done – on a burner, and then I’ll head back here.”

“I love you,” he said, slowing down their somewhat frenzied conversation and pressing a kiss to her lips. “Be careful okay?”

“Always, love.” Billie sighed and rested her forehead against his. “And try not to call or text with the team tonight? Better for cover.”

“I know,” he said softly. “Now, go do your thing. Save the world.”

“Not the world, but four girls at least, and that’s enough for me.”

One of the many reasons he loved her.


	22. Chapter 22

Something about Billie had been bugging him since the second the case against Maia “closed,” so against Emily’s orders Matt had been keeping close tabs on Spencer and Billie. Despite his doubts about Billie and his disappointment in Spencer, he didn’t want to be doing this. But he had to. It’s who he was. If bodies were still dropping around her, it meant exactly what he feared – that Spencer had fallen in love with a killer. He had to save him from himself before it was too late.

Garcia had been keeping in touch with Spencer periodically. Most of the team had actually, but Garcia had the hard drive to back everything up. With a couple of her tricks up his sleeve, he tracked their travels across the country toward Seattle. For the most part, nothing happened with the exception of someone getting arrested for soliciting a child when they had also stopped in the area.

However, once they got to Seattle things changed. After a couple weeks of complete radio silence on their end, a school principal named Martin Rollins died from a gunshot to the head after being accused of child molestation by three students at his school. He lived two towns south from where Spencer and Billie were staying (according to Garcia) and the night he died both their phones were pinged near a small town north of Seattle, but it all seemed too clear cut. His gut told him her alibi was pre-planned. Smart woman.

Her mother (and presumably Billie) operated for years under the radar. So they probably had burner phones. Billie could easily leave Spencer with her real phone and use a burner to cover herself as an alibi. Or worse he might be in on it, which would make sense because otherwise why go a couple towns north of where they were living?

Way too convenient if Matt had anything to say about it.

As Emily called him to a case, he put his files on Billie and Spencer aside, but in the ensuing months he would come to realize that death followed them both, unbeknownst to Spencer or not.

—–

After one more target in Seattle and the end of their lease, Billie suggested moving around again. “Never want to get complacent,” she said.

Their nomadic lifestyle became easier and easier for Spencer. It was freeing – being able to move at a moment’s notice, take in the beauty around them and help a few people along the way. Since she’d wanted him to be an equal in their relationship in every way, she asked him to pick the course of their travels. He gravitated toward beauty and curiosity first and foremost, choosing places he’d always wanted to explore but never had the time to because of work constraints. They traveled to Portland, Oregon, East Yellowstone so they could take in one of the biggest and best national parks in the country, Kingman, Arizona on the idyllic and historic Route 66 near the Grand Canyon. Nothing was off limits. They made their relationship the priority and then found ways to help after the fact because after all, there was never a lack of evil in the world. Putting themselves first meant ensuring their humanity above all else. When Spencer had actually suggested getting to work immediately upon entering a new town, she’d convinced him otherwise. “That’s how we stay human through all this. Us first.”

She was right and he knew it and for months everything had fallen into place. Until Texas. Like before, Spencer picked a place he wanted to visit. “The Hamilton pool. It’s in Austin. It looks gorgeous and frankly I’d just like to sit there and have a picnic. You sitting in my lap. It sounds perfect.” His eyes affixed to the wall in the distance, a dreamy smile upon his tired features.

“That’s all you want to see there?” Billie asked with a laugh. It was so simple. When he nodded, she slinked into his lap. “Then Austin it is.”

Pictures of Hamilton Pool did not do the actual area justice. Once they arrived, they took a small hike into the area, picnic basket in hand. Through a clearing of trees, a calm expanse of water reflected waves of green and blue depending on where the sun decided to hit. Despite all the people around, calmness emanated from the small area. They picked a place under the lip of the moss-covered cave and spread out their picnic, staying there for hours after they ate to just be – surrounded by a damp but comforting cave and the picture-perfect water.

Everything was just as it had been, but once they started researching possible targets Spencer found himself incensed more than he had been since they started dating, possibly since he’d started with the Bureau. Cases involving kids were always more difficult than anything else, but this man…he’d been accused of molesting toddlers. Little children who could barely speak. Little children who barely had a hold on a piece of the English language no less all it. There was no way they could identify what was happening to them and that it was wrong.

Over the course of four months, Corey Shyam, a stay-at-home father in his early 30s had been accused of hurting five children under his care. His wife had died and so had his own parents, so all he had were his in-laws.

All the parents had to accuse him were that their once lively children had become withdrawn and they’d come home with some random bruises. No other evidence. None of the kids could say anything about it. Nothing. There was nothing. Spencer found him and insisted they look into him, though Billie didn’t put up much of a fight.

They quickly put together a case against him by way of a secret camera planted inside his house. Spencer almost threw up when he saw the tape. “I know we have undeniable evidence now, but we can’t walk it into the station because that would put up a red flag on us. He was already brought up on charges and had them dismissed. We have to do this. He has to be a target.”

After years on this path, Billie remained incensed, but she was used to it. Spencer wasn’t and blood was pooling in his ears. “I agree,” she replied. “How do we go about it? Same as last time?”

“No. Billie…I…I need to come with you on this one.” He needed to look this man in the eye and try to understand why he was what he was.

She’d been wondering if he was ever going to join her. “Are you positive? You don’t go back after something like this.”

“Yes.”

“Okay, but remember, we need to talk about this afterward. You can’t shut down on me.” Spencer was the love of her life, but if he sank too deeply into this way of life, if he truly tapped into the darkness that was so easy to fall into, he could lose who he was and she wouldn’t allow that.

“I won’t.”

Trying to come up with a way to take him out convincingly wasn’t as easy as they’d originally thought, which required them to stay put for longer than they’d intended, but finally they had it. “It would be more than plausible for one of the kids’ parents to go after him, so we have to make sure they all have solid alibis when it happens.”

“That’s a lot of people to keep tabs on,” Billie replied. She’d done it before but it was not easy by any means.

Corey Shyam was ridiculously predictable so three weeks after finalizing their plan, they knew exactly where to find him - in his backyard in front of a small fire after his daughter was asleep.

All 10 parents of the victims had solid alibis. They were either out with friends or other family members, on camera where they could easily be identified. They were covered. Accusations might fly but they couldn’t be convicted and their children would never have to worry about him again.

“You can show him the pictures of the children he hurt, but I have to be the one to kill him. This is the first time you’re coming with me and I can’t risk you freezing. Otherwise we get caught.” Honestly, he didn’t think he was going to freeze. The man made his skin crawl, but he understood where she was coming from.

Nodding, he slipped under the moonlit trees and into his backyard with Billie close behind. He had a gun to keep him in place, but she had the murder weapon, a knife resting comfortably at her hip. At first, the gun shook his grasp. “Corey Shyam. Don’t move.”

“Woah, who the hell are you?” He looked terrified, but not surprised. “Take whatever you want, just don’t hurt me.”

Billie scoffed as she came out from behind Spencer. “We’re not robbers.”

“Then who the hell are you?”

Spencer’s blood was boiling. “People who are absolutely sickened by you.” In his hands were the pictures of the five boys. He let them drop in front of the pedophile and he flinched.

“How do you-?” Mr. Shyam couldn’t speak. “I can’t help it. I-“

Stepping forward, Spencer put the barrel of the gun against his head. “It is. And it will never happen again. I’m sure of it.” Billie’s glove-clad hand slipped forward with the knife and quickly slid into his chest before he could move. Spencer watched as the blood stained his shirt, a little queasy, but relieved that it was over and he’d never have the chance to hurt a child ever again.

With him incapacitated, she stabbed him again. Her face held no emotion and it scared him a bit. He needed to know what was going on in her head. “What do we do now?” He asked softly, his eyes never leaving the man in front of him.

“Wait until we’re sure he’s dead. Should only be a few minutes.” He tried to speak but couldn’t, his mouth filling with blood. Within five minutes he was dead. “Now, we walk back about a mile to the lake. Throw the knife away. Then burn the gloves we’re wearing.”

“Where?”

“A clearing between here and there. Wherever there aren’t people. We’ll burn as much as we can and then slip the remnants into the sewer.” He felt confident that she’d thought of everything though he was still a little shaky. “You okay?”

“Basically, yea. Let’s just go and we can talk about this later.”

As she sheathed the knife in its cover to ensure there wouldn’t be a blood trail, they made their way back over to the fence and hopped over. “What ‘s going to happen to his daughter?” He asked, panic tingeing his voice. It was the one thing he hadn’t thought through. “She can’t be the one to find him.”

“She won’t,” Billie assured him. She rested her hand at his back and coaxed him toward the lake. “Tomorrow morning, around five, I’ll get up and go near his place. I’ll use a burner I haven’t used before and claim to be a runner passing the backyard when I saw him. The police will come before she even wakes up.”

“Where will she go?”

“I’ve looked into her mother’s parents. They seem wonderful. They’ll take her.”

“And she’ll be happy there,” he breathed. “And safe.”

Silence followed them for the next 10 minutes until the lake came into view. Ensuring there was no one around, she chucked the knife into the water. “She’ll be safe. And her father will never touch another child again. Ready to go back to the hotel?”

“Yea.”

“How do you feel?”

“I don’t know,” he responded honestly. “Talk in the morning after you get back?”

“Deal. Remember Spencer,” she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper as they walked hand-in-hand back to the hotel, “just because you want bad things to happen to bad people doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.”


	23. Chapter 23

On the dot the next morning, Billie woke up at 5 AM and headed out to Quaker’s place to make the call. As she’d told Spencer, she made sure to give as little detail as possible to the 911 operator. “I don’t know,” she said when the woman on the other end of the line asked what happened to him. “I was just running this morning and I passed the backyard. I see blood and he’s not moving so I’m guessing he’s dead.”

“We’ll be right there. Please stay so you can give a report to the police.”

That wasn’t going to happen. The moment she had the operator’s assurance that the cops were on their way, she headed back to the hotel just in time for Spencer to wake up and see her. “You make the call?”

“All done,” she replied, her lips coasting over his cheek. “How are you feeling this morning?”

Spencer pushed up against the crappy headboard of their hotel bed and took a deep breath. “Honestly, I’m a little shaky. It’s more because of the idea of getting caught and not because I regret what happened to him. I don’t. I’m the tiniest bit apprehensive about that…you know, whether or not it’s our place to be doing this, but I also don’t regret it.” When they’d returned the previous night, she’d immediately fallen asleep, but he stayed up and stared at the ceiling, turning over the evening’s events in his head. Nearly an hour passed before he drifted off to sleep.

Billie nodded, her knees pulled into her chest and her arms wrapped around them. “That sounds about right. That’s where I was at first and sometimes even now I still am, but I guess I have my own logic about it now.”

“What is it?” He asked. A member of the bureau would look at what she said next as an excuse, but he didn’t, because he didn’t feel bad. Just worried.

Crawling next to him, Billie slipped her head into his lap and grazed her fingernails up and down his arm. “Because of how I operate, I wouldn’t be ‘operating’ if the laws on the books weren’t so fucking shoddy. If children were taken more seriously, if people couldn’t find a way to buy themselves out of jail time, if all the cracks in the system got filled up, I wouldn’t be doing this. I don’t take the place of the justice system, just fill in the cracks. Remember? I think I said that before.”

“You did,” he said, smiling.

“Well, that’s it. I don’t enjoy killing. I don’t get my rocks off when I do it. It’s purely for the safety and well-being of others, so if the cracks in the system were taken care of, I would stop. End of story.”

Years ago, Spencer would’ve seen it all as an excuse, but as he looked into her eyes, he could see the truth in them. “That makes sense.” Just like she did, he still believed in what his team did, but he’d changed and he didn’t necessarily believe it was for the worse – though most would probably see it that way. “Do we stay here?” He asked. “Or should we get moving?”

“We should go. Not a super rush. We can take our time packing up the car and checking out, but I did use a burner and a cop looking for a breakthrough case could easily find that my call went in on the burner and that I didn’t stay.”

His heart started to race a bit. “Do you think someone will?”

“No, honestly. Local cops especially want an easy way to close a case and my research showed that he wasn’t really well liked in the community even before the accusations, so I think they’re going to take it for what it is, check the parents’ alibis and leave it at that.”

Spencer took a deep breath and pulled her up to press a kiss to her forehead. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be the one to take a life in this way. To be honest, he wasn’t sure he had it in him, but he was comfortable with this. The parents would have alibis, Quaker’s own child would be safe, and he would never touch anyone again. Given the circumstances, it was all he could ask for.

—–

For months, Billie and Spencer bounced from town to town, some small, some big, some rural, some cities, always staying in the cheapest hotel or motel they could find and never using the some method of killing two times in a row. After Austin, they decided to try and focus in on targets that didn’t have children of their own. With no one else to worry about in the home, they didn’t have to call in the kill to the cops, which meant less of a trail that could lead to them.

Problem was, there was someone in DC who hadn’t had a good feeling about the pair leaving together from the start.

“Emily, please!” Matt asked through gritted teeth after closing the door to his superior’s office. “I know this is a hard pill to swallow, but we have to look into this.”

After grabbing the files from Matt’s hands, she immediately put them down on the cool mahogany desk and raked her fingers through her hair. “No, we don’t need to. Matt this case was closed. Maia handed over all the evidence.”

“Exactly!” He replied, pulling up a chair in front of her desk. “She handed it all to us in a neat pile. It was too clean. I know the lengths a parent will go to for their child. It makes sense that Maia covered for Billie.”

She didn’t want to think about this – ever. 

Over a year before, she and Spencer had spoken after Billie’s interrogation and neither of them had wanted to catch that killer, but then they did and she ended up taking away Billie’s mother.

There were four ways this could work out. One, Billie was never involved and the two of them had just decided to find themselves outside of the area they’d inhabited for so long. Second option was that Billie was involved and stopped after her mother’s death, but given how driven the crimes had been that seemed unlikely. Then there were the last two options. Number three had Billie involved and Spencer oblivious, which would crush him. And last but not least, she was involved and now he was too.

Option three meant Spencer getting hurt again and honestly Emily couldn’t bear if she was the one to bring more devastation down upon him and the last option meant having to “abide by the law.” Again. Against her moral beliefs. Her past had already been filled with dips in and out of morality. Was she selfish for saying she wasn’t sure if she could take it anymore?

“There’s no evidence Billie was ever involved,” Emily finally replied exasperatedly. “You can’t make it appear before you if there is none.”

Matt took that as his opening. “Listen, the idea of her being involved and having brought Spencer into it makes me sick to my stomach, but you have to admit the likelihood that she was never involved at all is pretty slim.”

She said nothing. Something in her gut told her that Billie had been involved, at least at one point, but again, she understood where she was coming from so once Maia was gone she’d let it all go. “See! You see it too. You just don’t want to look into it.”

“No I don’t. Especially when there’s no evidence,” she said with emphasis.

Reaching over the nameplate on her desk, Matt opened the files. “No physical evidence, but we’ve found people whose guilt is 100 percent guaranteed with less. Look at this.”

As Emily’s eyes glanced over the information he’d gathered, he took note of her deep breath and sigh of resignation. She could see it too. He wasn’t insane. “I had Garcia put a permanent tracker on Spencer’s cell. She wanted to know where he was and that he was safe so she was happy to do it. When I checked into the deaths that happened during that time and in those areas there was always at least one, always a pedophile, always one that slipped through the system and they were never killed the same way twice. It always goes between guns and a knife. She’s smart. Her mother got away with this forever, so Billie would know how to evade capture. The only reason she’s not is because I have a bad feeling.”

It was very circumstantial, but Emily couldn’t deny that Matt made sense. “And ballistics show it’s always a 9mm, though not necessarily the same one. That has to be a pattern. Either she’s doing it and he doesn’t know or she’s doing it and he does and either way we should be looking into it, right?”

“I don’t know, Matt. Should we? How does this possibility make you feel? Knowing that if she’s still doing this or Spencer is involved that that means bringing them in?”

“It’s what we do,” he said emphatically.

But these men were all but convicted pedophiles with connections and enough charisma to escape prison…it wasn’t right…was it?

“I know the circumstances and suck and so do the victims, but vigilantism can’t be tolerated. It reflects poorly on law enforcement.”

She was beginning to think it was the laws that reflected badly on law enforcement. Against her better judgment, she agreed to take it to the team.

—–

Anyone who peered into the BAU’s conference room would see a team on the edge. “Spencer can’t be involved in this,” JJ said quietly. Emily could tell she didn’t believe the words she was saying. “He wouldn’t.” But he would and she knew it. Spencer changed after prison, and although she believed he was still a good person deep down inside, she could easily see him believing that what they were doing was right because the victims had been unsubs themselves. JJ couldn’t think of anything she’d rather do less than put Spencer back in prison. It made her shiver.

“No, not Boy Wonder,” Penelope added. But again, she wasn’t convinced. Everyone on the team had seen the change in their beloved friend.

Rossi chimed in with what they were all thinking. “I don’t want to pursue this. I’m comfortable enough in my position to say I don’t care if it’s all true. The bastards deserve it.”

Matt felt like the loner in the room. He understood, but his desire to abide by the law overrode his understanding.

“I happen to agree,” Tara said.

It was obvious from everyone’s body language that they all agreed. “Me too,” Luke chimed in. “I don’t want to do this.” They all feared the truth. “But you’re not giving up are you Matt?”

“I can’t,” he said dejectedly. “I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

Emily closed her eyes and allowed a tear to drop in full view of the ones she loved. “When they move next, we’ll be on the move. Put this to bed once and for all.”


	24. Ending Option 1

If Matt wasn’t on the team, she would ignore this, but he was and he was trying to do what was right now matter wrong it felt to the rest of them. “Are we really going?” Garcia asked sadly. “Are we really doing this?”

“You don’t have to go.”

“It’s Reid. Yes I do.”

“Then yes,” she said regretfully. “We have to. If we don’t…why does Matt have to be right?”

“Is he though?”

After so many years, they were all jaded. Every single one of them had seen too many people who deserved punishment escape it. “I don’t know anymore,” she admitted. “I have to tell the rest of the team. Pack up, we’ll be leaving in a couple hours.”

As Emily left the room, Garcia was left in a sea of emotions. She wanted to believe this wasn’t true, but she also didn’t care if it was. They knew Spencer. Deep down, Spencer Reid only wanted to help; he was a healer to his core.

—–

It took a few minutes to get everyone into the conference room, but once they were all there, Emily spoke flatly. “Lake of the Ozarks. We’re headed there in a couple hours.” Saying wheels up didn’t feel right at the moment. ‘Wheels up’ was for a family going to conquer the bad guys together, not family turning on family. Emily felt goosebumps roll up her arms. Nothing felt right, like she barely inhabited her own body anymore. When the rest of the team wondered what case was driving them there, she continued. “Spencer’s location as of 8:30 this morning.”

JJ lifted her hand to her mouth, biting back bile. “We’re really doing this.”

“Yes.”

They all stood to leave and get packed, fear, regret, shame and hope for a different outcome hanging over them as they left. Matt was the last one out of the room. Glancing Emily’s way, he whispered. “I’m sorry.”

—–

“This place is gorgeous!” Billie cried when they pulled up that morning. Stepping out of the car, she glanced toward the lake and felt Spencer’s arms wrap around her. It was peacefully quiet, slight slaps of oars against the water and the lightness of a bird’s song the only things they could hear. “I’ve never heard of this place before. Even in my travels.”

Spencer had never been here on a case, but he’d been nearby and remembered a waitress named Robin that told him about the area and how much she’d loved traveling there with her parents as a child. “There’s a lot to do here. Boating, cave tours, relaxing with a good book.”

“Sounds heavenly. Want to relax for a couple days then? Just do boyfriend and girlfriend things.” She turned around and arched her body into his, sinking into the comforting feeling she’d become accustomed to since they started dating. Spencer nodded, his forehead playfully bumping into hers and making her laugh. “Awesome. Cave tour first? After breakfast?”

He actually wanted to sit on the side of the lake and read, but she looked so happy he wasn’t about to deny her. “Let’s go eat first. I need bacon.”

“Same.”

—–

“It’s been two days,” Rossi said in frustration as they convened in the hotel’s conference room. He looked toward Matt and sighed. “Maybe everything you found is just conjecture and we’re wasting our time here.”

“Possibly,” he said, feeling the distance grow between them and him with each word. He didn’t want to do this. He just felt compelled – like he would explode if he wouldn’t. “But in my research I did find that a kill only happened a few days after arriving in any given city.”

Dammit. Emily closed her eyes against the nauseous feeling, willing it to go away even as it crept up her throat. “We’ll give it another couple of days and if nothing comes of it we’ll go home and pay attention to the other cases that need our attention.” Her eyes glided toward Matt. “If we leave here with nothing, I want it known that I want this dropped. Am I clear?”

Matt said yes, almost inaudibly and glanced down toward the floor.

It was not that she didn’t trust Matt. As an agent, she trusted him wholeheartedly, but she wasn’t about to continue fostering his manhunt against one of her best friends. If they left and nothing happened, then that would be it. She didn’t care if something happened the day after they left. If this wasn’t Spencer and Billie, then great. If it was…she couldn’t help but feel like they were doing the world a favor.

—–

Thankfully, the hotel they were staying at didn’t have the conference room booked for the next couple of weeks, so that’s where they stayed, peeling apart the cases that had led them to this moment. “I have a couple possible victims based on recent news in the area,” Garcia said, turning the laptop in Emily’s direction and averting her eyes. “Vincent Legerlotz, Brenden Montalbano, Jerry Lane, Timothy Young and Rick Moye have all been acquitted of the charges against them for either lack of evidence or witness testimony.”

“Then these are who we have to lock in on,” JJ said sadly.

Tara shoved the papers away from her. “Why are we looking into this? All of these men preyed on children. I honestly don’t give a fuck if they die…I’ll go on the record and say it. I don’t care.”

Emily was supposed to be the strong leader than steered them in the right direction, but she didn’t know what the right direction was. “I know. These men are the scum of the Earth, but we’re here now…”

“This is bullshit,” Luke interjected, his fingers coming to rest on his temple. “We can turn back. Go home.”

“Can we?” Matt asked. He understood the pain they were in, but this was the job. “If this is them they’re vigilantes? They’re taking the law into their own hands and invalidating what we do.”

“I don’t see it as invalidation,” Luke retorted. “Laws are shoddy at best. This happens after law has failed. I just find it really hard to care, especially when this is Spencer we’re talking about.”

They fell into an awkward silence as they went over the information. It was difficult to determine which one they believed would be targeted. “I think they’ll go after either Jerry Lane or Brenden Montalbano,” Matt said finally.

“Why them?” Rossi asked. He had his head in his hands, not even bothering to glance up.

Jerry Lane was a serial molester of girls between ages of 11 and 14. Brenden Montalbano had been accused by his niece of molesting her for three years between the ages of 7 and 10. “Timothy Young and Rick Moye were both put on the sex offender registry because of their relationships with younger girls, but they were considered statutory, not molestation. If it’s them, they wouldn’t change the pattern after so many years. Legerlotz is too similar to the victim in the previous city. Billie wouldn’t want a pattern like that. That leaves the other two.”

“In order to find who we’re looking for, we’ll have to think like them,” Emily said. Something that was all too easy in this case. “Maia’s pattern was her lack of a pattern. She constantly switched up weapons. She switched up ruses to lure them in. She switched victim type but always stayed in the area of child molestation not any other form of sexual assault. If Billie is taking after her, then she’d definitely be operating the same way.” She refused to include Spencer in this though she was positive if Billie was involved then he was too. She just refused.

Rossi got up from his chair and started pacing the floor. They knew Spencer too well. They knew how he would operate in this situation because its how they all would. “Then I know who it’s going to be.”

—–

“Montalbano,” Spencer said. They’d planned on just relaxing for a couple of days, but it was just over a day before Billie felt like she should be doing something else and after starting this with her, he kind of felt the same way. They were relaxing while someone else was hurting and afraid? It just didn’t seem right. “Lane is more prolific and honestly I think he should also be a target, but he’s too similar to the last guy, Shyam. He’s too high profile. Montalbano is more under the radar.”

Billie agreed. Sometimes she wondered if there was a way to be truly random, but with human logic there was always a sense of rigidity and tradition. “Sounds like a plan. Now, how do we go about this?”

—–

The tension in the hotel conference room could be cut with a knife. After all this, Matt honestly wasn’t sure whether he’d be able to return to the BAU, but that wasn’t what was important now. Everyone else wasn’t working up to their potential because their judgment was clouded. “If I were them-“ He started before being interrupted by JJ.

“But you’re not. You’re not them and honestly if you were in the position where your kids were in danger from this kind of unsub I have no doubt you’d take the law into your own hands and I wouldn’t blame you.” With a loud clunk, she pushed back from the table and told Emily she was going to grab some coffees for everybody. She needed a second to breathe. They all did. Since they’d landed, it felt like they’d been holding one long breath.

Matt was sure that JJ was right, but if this was Billie and Spencer it was different. He was sure of it. Billie had endured pain decades earlier. She was no longer in danger. It was revenge. There had to be a difference between that and immediately defending his own children. If there wasn’t, then nothing in his world made sense. “If I were them, I’d go directly to his house. The last victim was killed with a knife, so it’ll be a gun this time. Montalbano lives alone and after the accusations his brother and sister-in-law want nothing to do with him so he has no visitors. His routine is so unchanging that it would be easy to slip in, shoot him and leave and with her knowledge and Spencer’s they could easily stage a robbery gone wrong.”

Emily looked down at her watch through a curtain of tears. It was 3pm. “We’ll stake outside his residence. Two separate cars. Starting at sundown tonight. If nothing happens tonight, we’re going home. I won’t keep doing this.”

Five hours later, they all saw the one thing they dreaded through the closing blinds.

—–

There were a couple cars near Montalbano’s residence, so Billie and Spencer snuck in through the back and quickly covered the windows. Spencer incapacitated Montalbano with a punch to the head and quickly tied his hands to the table leg on the floor where he fell.

“Alright, I’ll work out here,” Spencer said. “You work in the back bedrooms.”

“Who made you the boss of me?” She said with a smile before walking back to stage their scene.

As Spencer grabbed the valuables in the immediate area, he gathered them together to take out. They’d throw them in the lake nearby. If they took nothing and just made a mess it would look like a staged scene. They wanted it to pass for one.

All of a sudden, he heard a creak near the front door. No one was supposed to be here. And then a light shined in his eyes. “Billie where are you?” Matt called out. Spencer wanted desperately for Billie to turn tail and leave, but he knew she wouldn’t. Her tense gaze met theirs as she came out from the bedroom with her hands in plain sight.

“Right here.”

Tears fell from the eyes of his teammates. “Why are you here?” He asked.

Billie interjected before anyone else could speak. “I sense your newest agent never fully trusted me.”

“That’s true. I can’t believe you pulled Spencer into this.”

“I didn’t. When I told him who I was I told him I’d leave forever and never bother him again. He chose to come with me.” Billie felt like her fire could bore holes into the agent, but despite the circumstances she didn’t want any harm to come to him. He was a good man.

Spencer spoke through sobs. “I understand why she does what she does and I don’t feel bad. I’m sorry, but that’s the truth,” he said, putting up his hands as he walked toward Billie. “I’m sorry that I’ve disappointed you, but I’m not sorry for anything else.”

Emily lowered her gun unable to even aim through the tears. Everyone else followed her lead, including Matt. “So where do we go from here?” Luke asked.

“I won’t go back to prison,” he said. He’d never actually thought about it before but in this moment it was as apparent to him as the sky was blue. “You know what it did to me.”

“You have to come quietly,” Matt pleaded. “Don’t make us hurt you.”

“You do what you have to do,” Spencer replied, watching as Garcia choked back a sob. Why had they brought her? Of all people why did she have to be put in the middle of this? “I won’t go back again. I’ll die there. I’d rather die a free man.”

“No one is dying,” Billie said, kicking Montalbano’s still unconscious form at her feet. “Except this fucker.” Her hand went to her gun and gently caressed the trigger. “Spencer you should go. They’ll let you go. I can see it in there eyes. But my journey ends here.”

He, too, felt like it was the end of the line, but despite it all, he didn’t regret a thing. 

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Are you sure?” She asked, her voice wavering.

He squeezed her wrist. He wasn’t leaving her now. Not ever.

“Emily,” she said, catching the leader’s attention, “I need you to know I don’t harbor any ill will against you about my mother. You did what you thought was right. Matt, same thing. But I did too. I did what I thought was right. And I need you to know that I won’t hurt you. Any of you. No matter what this looks like.” Without another word, she lifted the gun from behind her and pointed it down at Montalbano.

Matt’s aim went back up immediately, the rest of them hesitantly following suit. “Please don’t do this,” Matt begged again.

He watched as her finger pressed down on the trigger and then pulled himself.

He was aiming for Billie, but it was Spencer that fell to the floor.

“No!” She screamed, falling to the floor next to him and pressing against the wound in his chest. “No, Spencer, stay with me.”

“It’s okay,” he smiled. He’d been shot before, but this immediately felt different. It was his time. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she sobbed.

All of a sudden, she felt someone pulling her back. She reeled back and hit them in the nose with her elbow only to realize it was Matt. Spencer was going to die here. She was going to die here. She’d be damned if Montalbano wasn’t coming with them. Lunging across the floor, she grabbed her gun and aimed at him just as he was coming to. A river of red dripped down onto the floor. Amidst the bang of her own gun, she didn’t realize another had gone off from Luke’s before he dropped it to the floor.

She touched her stomach and felt the liquid pooling. “Spence, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he said weakly. “I would do it again. The day I met you was one of the best days of my life and every day since has been just as amazing.” She slipped down beside him as the pain seared through her. Across the room, Matt was on the phone, but JJ pulled it out of his hand.

“I won’t put him back in prison,” she hissed. “I won’t do it.”

Everyone gathered around them, faces a mess of tears and snot as they tried to form words that wouldn’t come. “I love you all,” Spencer said softly. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Emily said, not caring who heard or what they might say to her superiors. “We love you.”

Spencer glanced to his side to see Billie’s eyes flitting closed. “Hey, hey, not yet,” he said, grasping for the perfect to say. “You know what my favorite day was? When I met you in the park. We spoke so comfortably with each other. And I don’t know if I’d ever truly felt that before.”

“I’ll remember sitting in beautiful, contented silence on the swings. That’s what I’m picturing right now.” The pain was biting, but she held a smile. She opened her eyes again to see him, wiping a tear from his eye. His team was there too , but she shut them out. “Remember Spencer, you are and have always been a good man.”

When her eyes closed again, he cried out in pain and clutched his own wound. She was gone. He reached out and felt his teammates anchor him. “I regret nothing. Not Billie, not what we did and not my time with all of you. Things happen for a reason. I just don’t know what they are,” he said, smiling what he could muster as his breaths became more and more shallow. His free hand held Billie’s, his finger gently grasping the angel wings on the bracelet that meant so much to the woman he loved.

Seconds later, Emily felt Spencer’s hand slip from hers. With the thud of his hand, came the cries of all inside. Matt stumbled backward – the reality of what he’d brought down hitting him right in the face. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I…”

What had they done?

In the silence of the house, soft sobs rang out and uncertainty held steady. One thing they all knew was that nothing would ever be the same.

\----

Suddenly she realized that what she was regretting was not the lost past but the lost future, not what had not been but what would never be. – F. Scott Fitzgerald


	25. Ending Option 2

As he stepped out of the car and came up behind her, he couldn’t deny that the sound of her melodic voice blended perfectly with a bird’s song and the lapping of water on the morning lake. He’d heard of Lake of the Ozarks while on a case in St. Louis years earlier but had never been before now. On the morning out after the case, the team had stopped at a diner and waitress named Robin mentioned coming here when she was a child. The way she’d described it was so idyllic that he knew he’d have to come some day – he just didn’t realize at the time who he would be with and how perfect it would feel. “There’s a lot to do here.”

Closing his eyes against the beautiful morning sun, he relaxed his arms around her and told her about all the things they could do. Since he and Billie had started traveling together, they’d made a routine. In a new city, at least one they planned to stay in for more than a couple of days, they would relax and enjoy themselves as a couple first before she got to work, and recently him as well.

Given how peaceful their surroundings were, he wanted to sit by the lake and read for a while, but her eyes went wide when he’d mentioned that the area was famous for cave tours. He couldn’t deny her when she looked so happy. But first, they both needed food in their stomachs.

After a delicious stack of pancakes with a side of bacon for the both of them, they went on their cave tour. Spencer didn’t take much of it in himself. Instead, he took in the planes of her face when she smiled and how pretty she looked. She needed no makeup or fancy clothes – she was beautiful as she was. It took just over a day of cave tours, reading lakeside and basking in the sun before both of them felt the itch that they should be doing something.

“What’s wrong?” He asked after seeing her maneuver herself yet again on the reclining beach chair. “You’re restless.”

Billie sighed, feeling cleansed by the downtime. “A little bit. I just feel like we should get to work. I don’t know…like…”

“Like we’re relaxing and others are hurting?” He finished with a raise of his eyebrow.

She laughed disbelievingly. How had she found a man that understood her so well? How had she been lucky enough in this life she’d been dealt to find him and call him hers? “Yea exactly.”

“Then let’s get back to the hotel.”

—–

Everyone on the team was on edge. They were all mad at Matt, though they also couldn’t blame him. Emily wanted to just completely ignore everything and not go, but that could easily come back to bite her and the team. After all they’d been through, she didn’t want anything coming back to haunt them.

And then Garcia came back with the most recent location that Spencer had been in for more than a few hours at a time. Lake of the Ozarks – it was very idyllic, which made the whole reason why they were going there feel so much worse. When she told the team, their faces lost their glow and no one said a word. Matt stood against the doorframe ashamed but persistent.

“We’re really doing this,” JJ said in disbelief.

Emily bit her lip to try and keep the tears at bay. “Yes.”

As they all left the room to get packed, Matt said he was sorry once again, but nothing would console her right now. Nothing would make this agonizing feeling – the one that was leading her to betray a best friend – go away. Only answers would do.

—–

Two days later, Spencer and Billie were still holed up in their hotel room, but they’d finally narrowed down who they were targeting. Brenden Montalbano. A giant scumbag who’d molested his niece. Although there were two others in the area that she felt were more of a direct threat, Montalbano needed to go first for the sake of switching up the pattern of victims. Most of the recent targets had been people who’d gotten quite a lot of publicity due to their acquittals. Montalbano was quite the opposite, but still deserving of the swift hand of justice.

“Alright, so how are we going to go about this?” She asked wanting to gauge just how involved he wanted to be this time around. It seemed that the actual killing was where he drew the line at the moment and that was fine by her.

Leaning back, he went over all the details he knew of Billie’s most recent targets. “Well, you’ve been using the knife more often than not lately, right?”

She nodded, her shoulders tensing up a bit when she realized that she’d gotten a bit complacent with the weapon. “So gun it is. He’s very predictable. With his brother and sister-in-law moving away with the niece, he doesn’t have a lot of people in the area, so we could be in and out fairly quickly.”

They’d stage a robbery too and make it look like a freak accident rather than a calculated killing. “Tomorrow okay?” He asked.

“Only if we spend the time leading up in bed with you reading to me and giving me cuddles,” she giggled softly.

Spencer bit his lip as a smile crept its way onto his face. “That works for me.”

—–

Looking into Spencer in this way was going to break the team in some way. Emily could feel it. They were at each other’s throats though they still managed to maintain some degree of professionalism. No one but Matt wanted to investigate them and they’d all said at one point or another in the past two days that they didn’t care if this was Billie and Spencer or not. The “victims” were scum that evaded justice. Maybe they were all just jaded, which was obvious after so many years on the job, but they just couldn’t bring themselves to care. Matt kept saying that their judgment was clouded. It wasn’t. They were biased, but they didn’t care about that either.

Would Matt want to stay on the team knowing what he knew about them?

Would Emily be able to maintain her role as chief?

This case could so easily be the straw the broke the camel’s back that would lead to retirement or a transfer for any or all of them. Nothing was going to be the same after this. Maybe the changes would be small, maybe they’d be bigger, but there was a change in the wind.

When they’d finally stopped bickering enough to narrow down the possible victims, Emily tried once again to be the leader she was “supposed” to be. She brought up Maia’s previous pattern and how Billie wouldn’t stray from that if this in fact was her. Her chest hurt. Each word out of her mouth had to be wrenched from her own mouth by her own hand. Everything hurt. “Tonight. We’ll stake outside Montalbano’s house starting at sundown.”

Just hours later, she saw what she feared most.

—–

Matt was the first out of the car. “Stay behind me,” she said. “I do trust you, but you don’t know Spencer like we do and I need to give him every chance. Okay?” Her voice was shaking so much she thought the vibrations alone might make her sick.

A muscle ticked in his jaw. He wasn’t happy about it. But he agreed.

With their guns on their hips, the members of the BAU made their way through the front door. A creak under JJ’s foot might’ve given them away. Honestly, Emily was kind of hoping it would and that they’d flee before the team turned the corner, but there was no such luck. They all caught Spencer’s eye, but said nothing. “Billie, where are you?” Matt called out, earning an angry glare from Emily.

Her hands were in plain sight as she came out from the bedroom. They were good agents, but she could see on their faces that all but one of them wanted to forget this ever happened. Anger flooded through her, but the break in Spencer’s voice when he asked them why they were here cut through the fire. “I sense your newest addition never fully trusted me.”

No one else could speak or even hold their weapon straight, so despite what he’d been told Matt continued, accusing Billie of pulling Spencer into something he didn’t want. “I didn’t,” she said swiftly, the venom quickly returning to her as she spoke. “When I told him who I really was I told him I’d leave forever and never bother him again. He chose to come with me.”

Spencer screwed up his face, voice laden with emotion. “I understand why she does what she does and I don’t feel bad. That’s the truth.” Not wanting to alarm them, he put his hands out in front of him as he walked toward Billie. “I’m sorry that I’ve disappointed you all. It was the last thing I wanted. But I’m not sorry for anything else.”

The tension in the small house was like an atomic bomb – ready to explode at any moment. “So where do we go from here?” Luke asked as he followed Emily’s lead and lowered his gun.

JJ and Garcia choked out sobs when Spencer said he wouldn’t go back to prison. He’d barely made it out of there alive the first time and that was for something he didn’t do. “You know what it did to me.”

“I can’t do this,” JJ said, holstering her gun and turning in Emily’s direction and then Matt’s. “Fire me. Turn me in to the Bureau. I don’t care. I won’t be a part of this.” Quickly, she turned on her heels and Garcia followed suit.

“You have to come quietly,” Matt pleaded. “Don’t make us hurt you.”

When Emily heard the click of the door behind JJ, she glanced toward Matt. She couldn’t do this. She was putting a stop to it. “No one is hurting anyone,” she said through gritted teeth. “Holster your weapon.”

“Emily we have to do this!” He said. “Your judgment is clouded.”

“My judgment is crystal clear,” she countered. “After so many years of doing what I do, I can tell you I’ve never been more sure of anything. If you want to transfer when we get home, if you want me to resign, whatever, I’ll do it, but I won’t put one of my best friends back in prison and I will eat the butt of a gun before I stand by and watch him get hurt, so put the weapon down.”

Rossi, Tara and Luke had their eyes locked on their co-workers. “I’m with Emily,” Tara said. The boys said nothing but it was clear where they stood.

“So what are we going to do? Just let them go?” Matt asked. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

A stream of tears fell down Emily’s cheek as she turned to Spencer. “Yes. I’m letting them go.” She walked toward them and grabbed each of their hands. “Leave now and don’t get caught. Stick by the plan you’ve had for all these years,” she said to Billie.

“I promise I will never work outside of the parameters we’ve always worked in,” she replied. “Never. And I will defend him with my dying breath.”

“You better.”

Reaching up, Emily wrapped her arms around Spencer’s neck and kissed his cheek. “Please be careful. And for the record, I’m not disappointed in you.” He choked back a sob as she turned her back to him. Luke, Tara and Rossi all echoed the sentiment and said goodbye as Matt watched in disbelief.

“As of us landing back home, I’m done.”

Emily spat back. “You do what you have to do, but I did what I had to in order to put my head on the pillow at night. Call me selfish. I don’t care.”

“I love you all,” Spencer said as he watched his team head back toward the front door. “Even you Matt. I’m sorry you can’t see what I see.”

“I can’t. But I’m pretty sure they’d all have stood in front of a bullet for you and I wasn’t about to hurt them, so you’re off the hook. I won’t be with the BAU anymore though, so be careful if you enter my neck of the woods again,” he replied.

“Better to be a humble sinner than a self-righteous saint,” Spencer responded. “Just know that if anything were to happen to your family, and you had to stand by and watch them get away with it, we’d be there for you.”

Matt bit his tongue so hard he tasted blood. He turned on his heels and saw that Emily hadn’t left. She was keeping on eye on him. Her trust in him had vanished.

Outside, JJ and Garcia questioned what had taken place in the previous minutes. “I let them go,” Emily replied curtly wanting nothing more than to forget this ever happened. “As of our landing, Matt will no longer be on the team, as per his wants.”

JJ was more than disappointed that it had come to this. Matt was a good agent and a good man, but knowing that Spencer’s safety and happiness were intact made it tolerable. The tension was still there, Matt’s disbelief in the rest of them hanging thick in the air in the car, but it didn’t matter. Decisions had been made and loyalties had been decided. No one had any regrets.

—–

“That didn’t go as I’d suspected,” Billie said, releasing a long-held breath when the BAU finally left the house. Without any hesitation, Spencer bent down to release Montalbano’s tied hand. “As much as I hate to leave this bastard alive, shooting him right now would be looking a gift horse in the mouth.”

“The team is going to have to fill out some reports. If he dies, that’s going to put them in an even worse position.” He both could and couldn’t believe that they’d done what they just did for the two of them. As he came to, Spencer held his gun out to keep him at bay. “But if we happen to roll through here again?” He trailed off and they quickly left.

Billie’s hands were tight on the wheel as they drove back to the hotel. “Are you okay?” She asked.

“As okay as I can be. I can’t believe what just happened…”

“Me either.”

“I just hope that Matt doesn’t complicate things anymore than he already has.”

Billie smirked, catching the bags under her eyes in the rearview mirror. “I think Emily will handle it. Plus, he’s a good agent and I’m sure when he thinks about it he will realize that turning on them will endanger more people than it will save.”

“Probably,” Spencer replied softly. In a few weeks, when they weren’t all still reeling from this, he had to call her and thank Emily for what she’d done for him yet again. If there was any way to repay her, he would in due time.

At his side, Billie wondered if she should feel bad for ever falling for Spencer. “Don’t.” He could sense what she was thinking. She did a double take before he placed his hand over hers. “Meeting you has been one of the single greatest things to ever happen to me. We’re unconventional to say the least, but I wouldn’t trade a day of what we’ve had for anything.”

As she stared down at the wings on her bracelet, she realized she still wasn’t quite convinced. “I’ll work on the guilt thing.” Despite what she’d said to Matt, the thought still lingered in the back of her mind. “Communication right?”

“Both ways.”

Within 10 minutes, they were back at the hotel and within the hour they’d checked out. After putting the suitcases in the trunk of the car, Spencer opened the passenger side door and kissed the woman he loved. Nothing felt more important right now.

It was late, but the night was clear. “Where to now?” He asked.

“How about we just drive and see?” Billie replied.

With the stars lighting their way, Spencer pulled out onto the open road. It wasn’t about the destination; it was about the journey. As long as his journey matched hers, the destination could remain a mystery.

Almost perfect silence sank into the small vehicle, save for the rumble of the car over asphalt. Over time, he’d convince Billie that she had nothing to be guilty of. He’d changed, but he was not a changed man, and the changes had been a long time coming. Before he’d ever even met her. He was who he was meant to be at this moment in time. He had no regrets.

\----

A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows the public opinion. – Grantland Rice.


End file.
